10 Things NOT To Say To A Pregnant Woman

I’m now 8 months pregnant, and I can honestly say I’ve heard some of the most ridiculous comments from people during my pregnancy. I’ve heard comments that have gone from uber nosy to downright rude and obnoxious. Having experiences like this help me remember what NOT to say to another pregnant woman. Here are 10 things NOT to say to a pregnant woman. Feel free to add more if you’d like.

1. Wow, you’re huge!
Right, because it’s not like I look down at myself every day and see a large boulder-sized belly looking back at me, I definitely needed you to point it out to me. Thank you for that!

2. Is it your husband’s/boyfriend’s baby?
Now, this was one of the most idiotic questions I’ve been asked during the pregnancy. If this baby wasn’t from my husband/boyfriend, do you think I’d really share it with you? Thankyouverymuch!

3. Are you sure there’s only 1 baby in there and not 2?
*Facepalm* That is all…

4. In regards to pregnancy, Google says…
Anything Google says, you can pretty much bet that we stopped listening to you once you said “Google said”. Unless Google can replace the care of our Midwives/Doctors, please save your Google facts.

5. Did you get pregnant by accident?
Clearly, if I’m having sex, there’s a possibility of pregnancy, just as there is for anyone having sex. So while the baby may or may not have been planned, you asking that is overstepping your boundaries.

6. Did you want another baby?
So how much money is in your bank account? Not my business right? Exactly! Just say congratulations. The prying, invasive questions are so unnecessary.

7. Are the kids happy about a new baby?
No, they’ve actually staged a protest and are filing injunctions against the new baby as we speak. Seriously? It’s an adjustment for any family. A better question would be to wait until after the baby is born and ask how is everyone adjusting? Is there anything I can do to help?

8. You look like you’re about to drop a load.
I’m sorry, are you referring to taking a massive dump or giving birth to a baby? The phrase drop a load just sounds so abrasive and gross.

9. Can you still have sex while you’re pregnant?
Seriously? Can you still take a shower in the summer? What kind of ridiculous question with no boundaries is that?!

10. You look like you’re about ready to pop!
Again, do I look like a balloon? Please don’t tell a pregnant woman she looks like she’s ready to pop.

Feel free to add any others you can think of. We’d love to hear it!

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The Not-So-Perfect Side Of Motherhood We’ve All Been In

A frustrated mother shares her frustration on raising young children as a single parent.

The comments in response to this overwhelmed mom were brutal! As women, as sisters, we need that village around us to help us stand strong when we feel weak. We ALL feel weak and overwhelmed from time to time, and most, if not all of us have broken down in tears at some point during raising our children.
Raising young children, this mom may have undiagnosed Postpartum Depression, or simply be overwhelmed with her current situation. My heart goes out to her as a mom because I know how hard it can get sometimes.
Stay strong mama! You can do it. Reach out for the help you need. Reach out when you’re having trouble. It won’t last forever. It’ll get better.

Moms, where is your village? Are you part of another woman’s village?

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Open Letter To Single Moms On Father’s Day

Dear Single Moms:

First, kudos to you! We give you the utmost respect and admiration. You sacrifice and put your children first. Sleepless nights, no days off, runny noses, tears and so much more is what you have your hands full with. Your love is repaid with butterfly kisses, big hugs, cuddles, and I love you’s.

For all of the wonderful things you do, for all of the irreplaceable moments you’re there for, you’ll always be an awesome mother.  However, I’m going to say something that you may not agree with.  While you play the role of both parents for your children, you can never be the father.

Greeting cards companies have now started making Father’s day cards for single moms. The reason a mother AND father are needed in a family is because they both play very distinct, but very different roles. The ideal situation is to have both parents in the home. However, it’s not always possible. Even in situations where it’s not possible, the mother is still the mother, and the father is still the father.

If single mothers are now taking credit for Father’s day, should single fathers take credit for Mother’s day? Each parent should be an active part of their child’s life. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. When we become parents, we decide to do what we need to for our children, even if that means taking over where another parent may fall short.

While we don’t get extra credit for doing what we have to do, we earn it through our children. Our children grow up and recognize the sacrifice we make for them. They recognize even when their parent has to fill in for the other parent. As a single mom, you play an important role in your child’s life, an irreplaceable role, but you are still not a father. Please do not wish single moms a happy father’s day unless you’re going to wish single fathers a happy mother’s day. I’m sure many will disagree with this, and that’s ok. A woman can not teach a child from a father’s standpoint because she has never been one. That’s like saying a woman can teach a man how to be a man.  No, she can not. She can teach him what her idea of a man is, but she will never speak from a place of personal experience.

So single moms, you ladies are awesome! You all rock!  Please continue to celebrate Mother’s day.  *In my Maury voice* You are not the father! Please don’t feel like I’m taking anything from you, because I’m not. This is just the reality of things.

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What A 2 Year Old Taught Me About Being Happy

Yesterday while spending the weekend with my cousin, her 2 year old announced in delight, “I’m happy!” as a grin spread across her face from ear to ear. Those 2 little words got me to thinking about how often we ask ourselves if we’re happy. I don’t mean just putting on a mask and telling the world we’re happy because it’s what we’re “supposed” to say. I mean asking yourself if you’re happy.

As women, as moms, we often overlook our own happiness, too often shrinking so we can allow those around us to grow. Unfortunately, all that does is teach our kids to shrink for others also. It’s when they see us go after our goals and strive to achieve our dreams that it encourages them to do the same. How can you live a happy life when you have nothing but doubts and what if’s?

No one and nothing else can be responsible for our happiness. We are responsible for our own happiness. From time to time we have to look at our lives and evaluate, asking ourselves “am I truly happy?” If the answer is anything other than a resounding yes, then we have some changes we must make in order to be able to answer yes to that question.

When my 2 year old cousin stated she was happy, she got me to thinking, am I happy? I realized every area that didn’t get a resounding yes, I need to change. That change begins with me…

What changes do you need to make in your life in order to be happy?

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Breastfeeding Moms: The New Generation

Yesterday while shopping at the Dutch Market with my mother in law, I had my 9 month old baby strapped to my chest in a baby carrier.  Now, like all babies, he of course wanted to nurse, so I pulled the hood over his head and allowed him to start nursing as I continued shopping. For the rest of the shoppers, they had no idea the baby was nursing because the top was covered. An older woman, appearing to be in her 60’s, walked up to me and with one finger pulled the hood back to see the baby. STRIKE 1!

Then she says “Oh you’re breastfeeding! Girl, you need to get out of here with that!” STRIKE 2!

She follows with “I knew he was a boy, how did I guess that?” Ummm….he’s wearing a blue shirt and looks completely like a boy! You must be psychic! So now I’m conflicted.  Everything in my head said to clap back. However, everything my parents taught me about respecting elders conflicted with that.  I just smiled at her, walked away and continued shopping and nursing.

I realized that the generation from before and my generation are totally different when it comes to breastfeeding. They were taught to shame and to hide. We are normalizing breastfeeding as a movement. I, personally, still maintain some cover in public places when possible. While it is not for the comfort of others, it’s simply for my own comfort.

I’ve realized that it’s not every older woman that feels like that either. At my son’s soccer practice, my husband was trying to cover me up while nursing. The woman says “Aw just let her be. People need to get over that stuff. Babies gotta eat! You’re not trying to show your breasts to anyone.” I said “Thank you!!”

However, the situation in the Dutch Market had me thinking, how do we bridge the gap between the generations? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

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New Mexico Parents’ Creative Punishment For Their Teen

Everyone knows the teenage years can be trying times for parents.  After getting fed up with their disrespectful teenage son, and tired of him stealing from them, these New Mexico parents have forced him to live outside in a tent only coming indoors to sleep and bathe.  They’re also feeding him and keeping in compliance with state rules.

They even gave their teen son the option of writing 5 book reports on being respectable.  He refused, so the parents are sticking with this punishment for at least a month.  When interviewed by local news outlets, the mom Angela Boggus states “We’re not doing anything wrong here,” “We’re simply trying to teach our child a lesson.”

His dad, Jacob, added, “If he doesn’t learn that now, it’s gonna be the whole world’s problem, not just ours, in a couple of years.” “Anybody who wants to talk some sense into him is more than welcome. We’re not trying to hide from this,” Jacob said.

The neighbors have offered extreme criticism, and even reported to authorities.  Makes you wonder if they offered any ideas to help, or has it just been criticism?  While for some this may seem like a harsh punishment, these parents feel like they’re out of options.

If this were your teen, what would you do?

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This Sign Was Put Up At A School, Parents Having Mixed Reactions

12734142_10156649341015160_8327685920812100825_nThis was placed in the carpool lane at a school by the Headmaster of that school.  Parents have had mixed reactions about the stance this headmaster took.  What do you think? Do you bail your kids out? Do you think this is a good way to teach them responsibility?  Sound off!

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My Kids Luggage Was Stolen, This Is What It Taught Me

This morning I made the Amtrak trip from DC to NY with my 3 kids to come visit my family. Once we got there, we loaded the luggage in the car. All but one suitcase. My daughter had a suitcase, and got excited when she saw my mother, and let it go. She left it right next to the car. As my dad loaded the rest of the bags, he went around the opposite side of the car. I was busy strapping in the baby’s car seat. So in all of the commotion, we didn’t realize the suitcase was left on the curb. When we did realize it, my parents went back, and the store owner said he saw the bag opened and rifled through, and then it was taken.
While this was an unfortunate experience, mainly because my kids now only had the clothes on their backs, and I had to shop all over for some clothes for our 3 week visit, it felt more of a violation than anything else. I felt like whoever took it, looked inside and saw it was kids clothing, and still took it. I had some things in the suitcase that were not necessarily expensive, but were meaningful to me.
After being initially very upset, I had to come to the realizations that 1. I can’t do anything about it. I prayed we’d find the bag, we didn’t. I believe things were meant to go this way for whatever reason. 2. I had to settle with the fact that whoever took the bag, I hoped needed it more than we did.
I know that sounds really cliche, but let’s be honest, if I sit there upset over a situation I can’t change, what will that help?
I’ve learned to try and see the bright side or the lesson in every situation even if the situation is painful initially. Was I angry? Yes. Did I feel like my kids were violated in a way? Absolutely. Am I over it? Completely. I had to spend quite a bit of money to get them new clothes and underwear, but look at it like this, my kids are safe, happy and healthy. Going through Penn Station with 3 kids in tow, it could’ve been one of those stories where kids vanish even when they’re right next to their parent. It wasn’t. My kids are with me, and that’s the most important thing.
In sharing the story, some people chose to focus on the missing suitcase. I chose to focus on my very present children, and just being grateful that I was in the position to go shopping to replace their clothes. So the lesson I take away in all of this is even through what seems to be negative situations, we can find the lesson, or the bright side in it all. Don’t let yourself get sucked into the situation.

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Kelly Rowland Opens Up On Balancing Motherhood And Career

Kelly Rowland, former member of Destiny’s Child, now solo artist has opened up to Ebony magazine in an intimate interview about how she balances motherhood and her career.  Kelly has a 1-year-old son named Titan, is newly married, and is still in the studio recording hits. Just how does she do it? Here are some of the things Kelly had to say about her balancing act:

“My challenges are just really learning the balance of it all for myself, for my husband, for my baby, for my career. Making sure that everything gets the balance,” Kelly tries to ensure her family gets everything they need, but is careful not to neglect herself.  “Because how am I supposed to be filled and I have to pour so much of myself into everything?”

When asked how she finds the balance between Kelly Rowland the Entertainer vs. Kelly Rowland the wife/mother, she says: “I’m still learning it now,” she says. “Because now things are starting to pick up again, so I can only imagine when I have to go overseas and tour and things like that. I want Titan to come with me, but I also don’t want to wear his body out. And I want him to feel what stability feels like since my mom and I moved around a lot when I was a kid.”

Like most mothers, Kelly educated herself as much as she could on motherhood, but still says she wasn’t fully prepared, like all of us. Kelly says “I felt like when I brought Titan home I knew everything, and I didn’t. And it was so wrong because my husband would figure out what would make him calm immediately,”

Kelly gushes that the good parts have been “watching him, watching my husband, watching my marriage and learning so much behind that story alone. My husband is the greatest man on earth, he really is. And he’s the greatest dad. I’m so happy I thought enough of myself to choose a great man.”

Although she’s now a mother, she has hardly taken a backseat in her career.  She’s back in work mode. She landed a reoccurring role on Empire and recently dropped the club banger “Dumb.” While the song has a young party vibe, the lyrics are about being grown and sexy.

For the full interview with Ebony magazine:

Kelly Rowland Interview

Photo courtesy of

Matt Sayles/AP/Invision

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Why I Hated My Postpartum Body

As I got undressed to take a shower, I looked in the mirror at my 4-day postpartum body and my first thought was yuck! I didn’t like the still swollen stomach, and the changes in my body. It was in that train of thought that I asked myself why did I think this body was ugly? Why was it foreign looking to me? I had just pushed a child out 4 days prior after a 34 hour labor. Why wouldn’t my body still bear some resemblance of the trauma it had been put through?  Why would I expect my body to snap back to looking exactly the same when it took a 9 month process to go through all of the stages of change?  I had to ask myself what was I allowing to shape my opinion of how my body looked? Was I comparing myself to these celebrities who show no signs of having just had a baby? Did I have an unrealistic expectation? My resounding answer was yes!

While my husband reassured me that I was still beautiful, and each stretch mark was a reminder that I gave him 3 children, in my head my body still was not beautiful to me. When I realized just how unrealistic I was being, I decided to embrace my postpartum body. After all, my body had gone through a battle to bring forth a new life.  A little person that would amaze me as he goes through each day, just as his sister and brother have.

I looked in the mirror and embraced every part of me. I embraced my face, the sleep deprived eyes and messy hair.  I took care of my babies, pouring everything out of me into them. I embraced my breasts that now sat heavy and full of milk to nourish my new baby, just as I had with my other two. How could I expect them to still look the same? I embraced my still swollen looking stomach that had housed and protected 3 babies until their births. This belly that had kept them close and listening to my heartbeat for 9, actually 10 months. I embraced my hips and thighs that were now swollen and had some extra dimples that weren’t there before, but they’d held up the ever growing weight as I carried these babies. I embraced my swollen legs and feet still showing very clear signs of Edema. I embraced the stretch marks on my stomach, hips, and thighs as reminders of having been blessed to carry 3 children, and not taking it for granted, as some never get the opportunity.

As I embraced every inch and curve of my body, I was reminded that these changes would be continual and ever-changing. If it wasn’t from having a baby, it will be from getting older. I am what a real woman looks like. I am what a mom looks like. I am what a sexy mom looks like. I take care of my body, and I embrace the changes that will continually come. So while the title may be a bit misleading, it was in that brief moment, I hated my postpartum body. Yet in those following moments, I learned to love and embrace it.

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