10 Things NOT To Say To A Pregnant Woman

I’m now 8 months pregnant, and I can honestly say I’ve heard some of the most ridiculous comments from people during my pregnancy. I’ve heard comments that have gone from uber nosy to downright rude and obnoxious. Having experiences like this help me remember what NOT to say to another pregnant woman. Here are 10 things NOT to say to a pregnant woman. Feel free to add more if you’d like.

1. Wow, you’re huge!
Right, because it’s not like I look down at myself every day and see a large boulder-sized belly looking back at me, I definitely needed you to point it out to me. Thank you for that!

2. Is it your husband’s/boyfriend’s baby?
Now, this was one of the most idiotic questions I’ve been asked during the pregnancy. If this baby wasn’t from my husband/boyfriend, do you think I’d really share it with you? Thankyouverymuch!

3. Are you sure there’s only 1 baby in there and not 2?
*Facepalm* That is all…

4. In regards to pregnancy, Google says…
Anything Google says, you can pretty much bet that we stopped listening to you once you said “Google said”. Unless Google can replace the care of our Midwives/Doctors, please save your Google facts.

5. Did you get pregnant by accident?
Clearly, if I’m having sex, there’s a possibility of pregnancy, just as there is for anyone having sex. So while the baby may or may not have been planned, you asking that is overstepping your boundaries.

6. Did you want another baby?
So how much money is in your bank account? Not my business right? Exactly! Just say congratulations. The prying, invasive questions are so unnecessary.

7. Are the kids happy about a new baby?
No, they’ve actually staged a protest and are filing injunctions against the new baby as we speak. Seriously? It’s an adjustment for any family. A better question would be to wait until after the baby is born and ask how is everyone adjusting? Is there anything I can do to help?

8. You look like you’re about to drop a load.
I’m sorry, are you referring to taking a massive dump or giving birth to a baby? The phrase drop a load just sounds so abrasive and gross.

9. Can you still have sex while you’re pregnant?
Seriously? Can you still take a shower in the summer? What kind of ridiculous question with no boundaries is that?!

10. You look like you’re about ready to pop!
Again, do I look like a balloon? Please don’t tell a pregnant woman she looks like she’s ready to pop.

Feel free to add any others you can think of. We’d love to hear it!

Sharing is caring:

The Not-So-Perfect Side Of Motherhood We’ve All Been In

A frustrated mother shares her frustration on raising young children as a single parent.

The comments in response to this overwhelmed mom were brutal! As women, as sisters, we need that village around us to help us stand strong when we feel weak. We ALL feel weak and overwhelmed from time to time, and most, if not all of us have broken down in tears at some point during raising our children.
Raising young children, this mom may have undiagnosed Postpartum Depression, or simply be overwhelmed with her current situation. My heart goes out to her as a mom because I know how hard it can get sometimes.
Stay strong mama! You can do it. Reach out for the help you need. Reach out when you’re having trouble. It won’t last forever. It’ll get better.

Moms, where is your village? Are you part of another woman’s village?

Sharing is caring:

Open Letter To Single Moms On Father’s Day

Dear Single Moms:

First, kudos to you! We give you the utmost respect and admiration. You sacrifice and put your children first. Sleepless nights, no days off, runny noses, tears and so much more is what you have your hands full with. Your love is repaid with butterfly kisses, big hugs, cuddles, and I love you’s.

For all of the wonderful things you do, for all of the irreplaceable moments you’re there for, you’ll always be an awesome mother.  However, I’m going to say something that you may not agree with.  While you play the role of both parents for your children, you can never be the father.

Greeting cards companies have now started making Father’s day cards for single moms. The reason a mother AND father are needed in a family is because they both play very distinct, but very different roles. The ideal situation is to have both parents in the home. However, it’s not always possible. Even in situations where it’s not possible, the mother is still the mother, and the father is still the father.

If single mothers are now taking credit for Father’s day, should single fathers take credit for Mother’s day? Each parent should be an active part of their child’s life. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. When we become parents, we decide to do what we need to for our children, even if that means taking over where another parent may fall short.

While we don’t get extra credit for doing what we have to do, we earn it through our children. Our children grow up and recognize the sacrifice we make for them. They recognize even when their parent has to fill in for the other parent. As a single mom, you play an important role in your child’s life, an irreplaceable role, but you are still not a father. Please do not wish single moms a happy father’s day unless you’re going to wish single fathers a happy mother’s day. I’m sure many will disagree with this, and that’s ok. A woman can not teach a child from a father’s standpoint because she has never been one. That’s like saying a woman can teach a man how to be a man.  No, she can not. She can teach him what her idea of a man is, but she will never speak from a place of personal experience.

So single moms, you ladies are awesome! You all rock!  Please continue to celebrate Mother’s day.  *In my Maury voice* You are not the father! Please don’t feel like I’m taking anything from you, because I’m not. This is just the reality of things.

Sharing is caring:

An Unprepared Unequipped Mother

Last Monday my daughter had surgery.  A pretty routine surgery at that.  She had surgery to remove her tonsils and adenoids.  I’ve always heard how simple of a procedure this was, and how quickly kids bounce back from it.  I was unprepared to see the complications my daughter ended up having to endure.  Immediately after the surgery, the surgeon informed us that the procedure had gone well, and we’d be called back in about 5 minutes.

5 minutes turned into 10, which turned into 15.  When I was finally called back, I could hear the stress in the nurse’s voice.  My daughter had awoken from the anesthesia, and was delirious, and crying in pain.  She had gotten herself twisted in the wires, some of which wrapped around her neck.  On top of that, she was having trouble getting air in period.  I could hear her gasping for air, and not getting enough.  The nurse shouted orders to the other nurses as they scattered.  We were trying to unwrap the wires, and calm my daughter down so they could get oxygen in her.  She was still delirious from the anesthesia, and could not focus on reason.

The nurse kept yelling that her oxygen levels was dropping fast, and her numbers were not at good numbers.  As a mom, I was totally and completely unprepared and unequipped to deal with this.  I may not have shown it at the time, I tried to keep a strong face for my baby, but inside I felt like falling apart.  Eventually they injected her with Fentonyl, and she was sedated enough for them to put oxygen on her.

I was injected with Fentonyl about 6 years ago when I was in labor with my son.  I remember the medicine had me so high, I swore I was sleeping and having a dream about chasing flowers.  Every time I got near the flowers, they blew away.  I only realized I was awake and babbling about the flowers when I heard my husband and mother in law laugh. That’s when I realized that Fentonyl was some strong stuff!

Eventually we were able to take her home with us.  She’s spent the last almost 2 weeks in severe pain, and refusing to eat or drink has caused dehydration.  The dehydration sent us to 2 different emergency rooms since the surgery. I’ve seen my daughter cry in pain more than I’ve ever seen, and it has broken my heart to see that, and not be able to take the pain away. I was completely out of ideas to help my daughter.

I thought as a mother I was prepared and equipped for most things.  This situation made me realize how unequipped and unprepared I truly am. The question is, is anyone?  Sure I read the parenting blogs and books.  Even took the advice from friends and loved ones who were already parents.  It’s in times like these that we realize no matter how many books we read, shows we watch, or even consults with out loved ones, we’ll never truly feel equipped. Some of the best mothers I know doubt their own abilities and how prepared they are to be the best mother to their children.

I have come to the conclusion that I will never be the perfect mother, but I’m imperfectly perfect for my children. I do the absolute best I can to provide them with, and teach them everything they need to lead happy, healthy, and successful lives. I choose family above all other priorities aside from my spiritual relationship with God. I tell my kids I love them every day, multiple times a day. I smother them with hugs and kisses, even when they’re like “mooooooooommm!!”. (smile) I discipline when necessary, and I love at all times. My house is not spotless, and sometimes I’m too tired to cook, so I order food. I have off days, and I have emotional days. You know what? It works for us. As a family. As unprepared and unequipped as I am to be their mother, I am imperfectly perfect for my little blessings.

Sharing is caring:

“Your Child is Perfect” – One Mom’s Letter to Her Doctor

Have you ever wanted something really bad? You worked so hard to prepare for it. You thought about it every minute of the day. When it finally seemed like it was time to celebrate your success, someone was there to tell you “Stop.” You cannot have what you wanted, what you’ve dream of, and prayed for. You need to destroy what you’ve done and start over as if you were writing something on a piece of paper and could just ball it up and toss it in the trash, confident another blank page was waiting for your success.

 

Now imagine if what you wanted were a child. You’ve watched everyone else become a mom and so wanted that for yourself. You did every thing healthy to prepare your body and finally became pregnant. Now imagine the doctor telling you something was wrong with that child. Imagine they told you to get rid of him/her and try again later. What would you do?

Would you follow doctor’s orders? Would you seek a second opinion? Would you look at the mom friends around you with their “perfect” kids and decide you wanted that and only that? Would you feel like you were alone and without any choice but the doctor’s? Most importantly, what, if anything would you say to that doctor?

One mom spoke up, alone in her pain, chose to no longer feel alone in the middle of her maternal crisis. She was told by the doctor to abort her child because it would not be “perfect.” Still, she made the choice to have her baby. She realized despite the medical diagnosis, her baby was perfect and had something to contribute to this world. But she also felt the pain of realizing others were not as blessed to believe they had choices and who blindly trusted the recommendation of that and other doctors to abort their child. Her empathy for others prompted her to write and open letter to that doctor.

A portion of the letter reads:

I came to you during the most difficult time in my life. I was terrified, anxious and in complete despair. I didn’t know the truth yet about my baby, and that’s what I desperately needed from you. But instead of support and encouragement, you suggested we terminate our child. I told you her name, and you asked us again if we understood how low our quality of life would be with a child with Down syndrome. You suggested we reconsider our decision to continue the pregnancy.

To see a copy of the full letter click HERE.

Sharing is caring:

Sincerely, A Worried Mother

Dear SexyMomsRock:

As I’m sure you’ve already heard, but President Obama has recently signed an initiative to allow transgender students to use whichever bathroom they identify with.  While I have no problem with them being transgender, my concern is my middle school daughter.  It concerns me to think that my daughter will be showering after gym class with a boy who while he may identify as a female, still has a penis.  And then I’m concerned about the rambunctious young boys who may use this as an excuse to attack transgender students, or come into the showers where my daughter is, even though it is not the gender they identify with.  I feel like my concerns are valid, and my main concern is protecting my daughter.  As a mom, what do we do in this position?

Sincerely,

A Worried Mother

 

If you have a question you want answered by SexyMomsRock or our readers, please use the contact button on www.sexymomsrock.com.  Let us know if you want to remain anonymous.

Sharing is caring:

Mother’s Day Without Mom: How To Get Through It

Mother’s day is a day to celebrate the wonderful mothers in our lives whether it be through birth, mentoring, or just taking a motherly position in someone’s life.  It’s also a day of tears and grief for many who will go through this day sorely missing their mother, or the maternal figure in their lives.

So what do you do when Mother’s day comes around and you don’t have your mom to share it with?

Here are a few suggestions for getting through Mother’s day without your mom:

1) Do something to honor her memory: Whether it be planting a flower, or going to your mother’s favorite restaurant, visiting the grave site, etc. One of the things my family does on Mother’s day is meet for lunch at my grandmother’s favorite restaurant. We reminisce on the moments with her, and catch up on each other’s lives.

2) Do something to treat yourself: Are you allowed to feel sad? Of course! Are you allowed to cry? Absolutely!  Feel what you need to feel, but don’t stay stuck in that space where it then becomes neglectful of you.  Go to a spa for a massage, get your nails done, take yourself out to do something you enjoy. Take a moment to pamper yourself even if you’re not a mother. Do it for your own peace of mind.

3) Connect with others: While losing your mom is devastating, know you are not alone.  Make sure you stay present and communicate with friends and/or family who care for you, and want to be there for you.  Don’t feel like you’re a burden.  That’s your ego talking.  You’re not a burden to loved ones.  If you feel you want to connect with others who may understand, then it’s a good idea to connect with support groups for those who have also lost their mothers.  You’ll definitely realize you’re not alone and there are others who feel like you do.

4) Go through old photos and videos: Go through those photos you’ve been avoiding.  Not to depress or sadden you, but to reminisce on those memories. You’d be surprised at how many smiles will cross your face as you remember the many memories made.

5) Write a letter/pray: Yes, I know it sounds corny and cliche, but it’s cliche because it works.  Buy a card too if it helps. Write a letter to your mom telling her all about how much you miss her, and let out your thoughts and feelings.  This is a therapeutic way to get those feelings out.  If you are spiritual, prayer helps a lot as well.  You can talk to God and say anything and everything that’s on your heart without any fear of judgment, or without feeling like someone won’t understand.

While the pain of losing a mother won’t ever fully go away, it does become easier to cope with after awhile. You are strong enough! You will get through this!  Reach out for help when you need to.

Sharing is caring:

My Kids Luggage Was Stolen, This Is What It Taught Me

This morning I made the Amtrak trip from DC to NY with my 3 kids to come visit my family. Once we got there, we loaded the luggage in the car. All but one suitcase. My daughter had a suitcase, and got excited when she saw my mother, and let it go. She left it right next to the car. As my dad loaded the rest of the bags, he went around the opposite side of the car. I was busy strapping in the baby’s car seat. So in all of the commotion, we didn’t realize the suitcase was left on the curb. When we did realize it, my parents went back, and the store owner said he saw the bag opened and rifled through, and then it was taken.
While this was an unfortunate experience, mainly because my kids now only had the clothes on their backs, and I had to shop all over for some clothes for our 3 week visit, it felt more of a violation than anything else. I felt like whoever took it, looked inside and saw it was kids clothing, and still took it. I had some things in the suitcase that were not necessarily expensive, but were meaningful to me.
After being initially very upset, I had to come to the realizations that 1. I can’t do anything about it. I prayed we’d find the bag, we didn’t. I believe things were meant to go this way for whatever reason. 2. I had to settle with the fact that whoever took the bag, I hoped needed it more than we did.
I know that sounds really cliche, but let’s be honest, if I sit there upset over a situation I can’t change, what will that help?
I’ve learned to try and see the bright side or the lesson in every situation even if the situation is painful initially. Was I angry? Yes. Did I feel like my kids were violated in a way? Absolutely. Am I over it? Completely. I had to spend quite a bit of money to get them new clothes and underwear, but look at it like this, my kids are safe, happy and healthy. Going through Penn Station with 3 kids in tow, it could’ve been one of those stories where kids vanish even when they’re right next to their parent. It wasn’t. My kids are with me, and that’s the most important thing.
In sharing the story, some people chose to focus on the missing suitcase. I chose to focus on my very present children, and just being grateful that I was in the position to go shopping to replace their clothes. So the lesson I take away in all of this is even through what seems to be negative situations, we can find the lesson, or the bright side in it all. Don’t let yourself get sucked into the situation.

Sharing is caring:

Kelly Rowland Opens Up On Balancing Motherhood And Career

Kelly Rowland, former member of Destiny’s Child, now solo artist has opened up to Ebony magazine in an intimate interview about how she balances motherhood and her career.  Kelly has a 1-year-old son named Titan, is newly married, and is still in the studio recording hits. Just how does she do it? Here are some of the things Kelly had to say about her balancing act:

“My challenges are just really learning the balance of it all for myself, for my husband, for my baby, for my career. Making sure that everything gets the balance,” Kelly tries to ensure her family gets everything they need, but is careful not to neglect herself.  “Because how am I supposed to be filled and I have to pour so much of myself into everything?”

When asked how she finds the balance between Kelly Rowland the Entertainer vs. Kelly Rowland the wife/mother, she says: “I’m still learning it now,” she says. “Because now things are starting to pick up again, so I can only imagine when I have to go overseas and tour and things like that. I want Titan to come with me, but I also don’t want to wear his body out. And I want him to feel what stability feels like since my mom and I moved around a lot when I was a kid.”

Like most mothers, Kelly educated herself as much as she could on motherhood, but still says she wasn’t fully prepared, like all of us. Kelly says “I felt like when I brought Titan home I knew everything, and I didn’t. And it was so wrong because my husband would figure out what would make him calm immediately,”

Kelly gushes that the good parts have been “watching him, watching my husband, watching my marriage and learning so much behind that story alone. My husband is the greatest man on earth, he really is. And he’s the greatest dad. I’m so happy I thought enough of myself to choose a great man.”

Although she’s now a mother, she has hardly taken a backseat in her career.  She’s back in work mode. She landed a reoccurring role on Empire and recently dropped the club banger “Dumb.” While the song has a young party vibe, the lyrics are about being grown and sexy.

For the full interview with Ebony magazine:

Kelly Rowland Interview

Photo courtesy of

Matt Sayles/AP/Invision

Sharing is caring:

Why I Hated My Postpartum Body

As I got undressed to take a shower, I looked in the mirror at my 4-day postpartum body and my first thought was yuck! I didn’t like the still swollen stomach, and the changes in my body. It was in that train of thought that I asked myself why did I think this body was ugly? Why was it foreign looking to me? I had just pushed a child out 4 days prior after a 34 hour labor. Why wouldn’t my body still bear some resemblance of the trauma it had been put through?  Why would I expect my body to snap back to looking exactly the same when it took a 9 month process to go through all of the stages of change?  I had to ask myself what was I allowing to shape my opinion of how my body looked? Was I comparing myself to these celebrities who show no signs of having just had a baby? Did I have an unrealistic expectation? My resounding answer was yes!

While my husband reassured me that I was still beautiful, and each stretch mark was a reminder that I gave him 3 children, in my head my body still was not beautiful to me. When I realized just how unrealistic I was being, I decided to embrace my postpartum body. After all, my body had gone through a battle to bring forth a new life.  A little person that would amaze me as he goes through each day, just as his sister and brother have.

I looked in the mirror and embraced every part of me. I embraced my face, the sleep deprived eyes and messy hair.  I took care of my babies, pouring everything out of me into them. I embraced my breasts that now sat heavy and full of milk to nourish my new baby, just as I had with my other two. How could I expect them to still look the same? I embraced my still swollen looking stomach that had housed and protected 3 babies until their births. This belly that had kept them close and listening to my heartbeat for 9, actually 10 months. I embraced my hips and thighs that were now swollen and had some extra dimples that weren’t there before, but they’d held up the ever growing weight as I carried these babies. I embraced my swollen legs and feet still showing very clear signs of Edema. I embraced the stretch marks on my stomach, hips, and thighs as reminders of having been blessed to carry 3 children, and not taking it for granted, as some never get the opportunity.

As I embraced every inch and curve of my body, I was reminded that these changes would be continual and ever-changing. If it wasn’t from having a baby, it will be from getting older. I am what a real woman looks like. I am what a mom looks like. I am what a sexy mom looks like. I take care of my body, and I embrace the changes that will continually come. So while the title may be a bit misleading, it was in that brief moment, I hated my postpartum body. Yet in those following moments, I learned to love and embrace it.

Sharing is caring: