Open Letter To Single Moms On Father’s Day

Dear Single Moms:

First, kudos to you! We give you the utmost respect and admiration. You sacrifice and put your children first. Sleepless nights, no days off, runny noses, tears and so much more is what you have your hands full with. Your love is repaid with butterfly kisses, big hugs, cuddles, and I love you’s.

For all of the wonderful things you do, for all of the irreplaceable moments you’re there for, you’ll always be an awesome mother.  However, I’m going to say something that you may not agree with.  While you play the role of both parents for your children, you can never be the father.

Greeting cards companies have now started making Father’s day cards for single moms. The reason a mother AND father are needed in a family is because they both play very distinct, but very different roles. The ideal situation is to have both parents in the home. However, it’s not always possible. Even in situations where it’s not possible, the mother is still the mother, and the father is still the father.

If single mothers are now taking credit for Father’s day, should single fathers take credit for Mother’s day? Each parent should be an active part of their child’s life. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. When we become parents, we decide to do what we need to for our children, even if that means taking over where another parent may fall short.

While we don’t get extra credit for doing what we have to do, we earn it through our children. Our children grow up and recognize the sacrifice we make for them. They recognize even when their parent has to fill in for the other parent. As a single mom, you play an important role in your child’s life, an irreplaceable role, but you are still not a father. Please do not wish single moms a happy father’s day unless you’re going to wish single fathers a happy mother’s day. I’m sure many will disagree with this, and that’s ok. A woman can not teach a child from a father’s standpoint because she has never been one. That’s like saying a woman can teach a man how to be a man.  No, she can not. She can teach him what her idea of a man is, but she will never speak from a place of personal experience.

So single moms, you ladies are awesome! You all rock!  Please continue to celebrate Mother’s day.  *In my Maury voice* You are not the father! Please don’t feel like I’m taking anything from you, because I’m not. This is just the reality of things.

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Mother’s Day Without Mom: How To Get Through It

Mother’s day is a day to celebrate the wonderful mothers in our lives whether it be through birth, mentoring, or just taking a motherly position in someone’s life.  It’s also a day of tears and grief for many who will go through this day sorely missing their mother, or the maternal figure in their lives.

So what do you do when Mother’s day comes around and you don’t have your mom to share it with?

Here are a few suggestions for getting through Mother’s day without your mom:

1) Do something to honor her memory: Whether it be planting a flower, or going to your mother’s favorite restaurant, visiting the grave site, etc. One of the things my family does on Mother’s day is meet for lunch at my grandmother’s favorite restaurant. We reminisce on the moments with her, and catch up on each other’s lives.

2) Do something to treat yourself: Are you allowed to feel sad? Of course! Are you allowed to cry? Absolutely!  Feel what you need to feel, but don’t stay stuck in that space where it then becomes neglectful of you.  Go to a spa for a massage, get your nails done, take yourself out to do something you enjoy. Take a moment to pamper yourself even if you’re not a mother. Do it for your own peace of mind.

3) Connect with others: While losing your mom is devastating, know you are not alone.  Make sure you stay present and communicate with friends and/or family who care for you, and want to be there for you.  Don’t feel like you’re a burden.  That’s your ego talking.  You’re not a burden to loved ones.  If you feel you want to connect with others who may understand, then it’s a good idea to connect with support groups for those who have also lost their mothers.  You’ll definitely realize you’re not alone and there are others who feel like you do.

4) Go through old photos and videos: Go through those photos you’ve been avoiding.  Not to depress or sadden you, but to reminisce on those memories. You’d be surprised at how many smiles will cross your face as you remember the many memories made.

5) Write a letter/pray: Yes, I know it sounds corny and cliche, but it’s cliche because it works.  Buy a card too if it helps. Write a letter to your mom telling her all about how much you miss her, and let out your thoughts and feelings.  This is a therapeutic way to get those feelings out.  If you are spiritual, prayer helps a lot as well.  You can talk to God and say anything and everything that’s on your heart without any fear of judgment, or without feeling like someone won’t understand.

While the pain of losing a mother won’t ever fully go away, it does become easier to cope with after awhile. You are strong enough! You will get through this!  Reach out for help when you need to.

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