Last Monday my daughter had surgery. A pretty routine surgery at that. She had surgery to remove her tonsils and adenoids. I’ve always heard how simple of a procedure this was, and how quickly kids bounce back from it. I was unprepared to see the complications my daughter ended up having to endure. Immediately after the surgery, the surgeon informed us that the procedure had gone well, and we’d be called back in about 5 minutes.
5 minutes turned into 10, which turned into 15. When I was finally called back, I could hear the stress in the nurse’s voice. My daughter had awoken from the anesthesia, and was delirious, and crying in pain. She had gotten herself twisted in the wires, some of which wrapped around her neck. On top of that, she was having trouble getting air in period. I could hear her gasping for air, and not getting enough. The nurse shouted orders to the other nurses as they scattered. We were trying to unwrap the wires, and calm my daughter down so they could get oxygen in her. She was still delirious from the anesthesia, and could not focus on reason.
The nurse kept yelling that her oxygen levels was dropping fast, and her numbers were not at good numbers. As a mom, I was totally and completely unprepared and unequipped to deal with this. I may not have shown it at the time, I tried to keep a strong face for my baby, but inside I felt like falling apart. Eventually they injected her with Fentonyl, and she was sedated enough for them to put oxygen on her.
I was injected with Fentonyl about 6 years ago when I was in labor with my son. I remember the medicine had me so high, I swore I was sleeping and having a dream about chasing flowers. Every time I got near the flowers, they blew away. I only realized I was awake and babbling about the flowers when I heard my husband and mother in law laugh. That’s when I realized that Fentonyl was some strong stuff!
Eventually we were able to take her home with us. She’s spent the last almost 2 weeks in severe pain, and refusing to eat or drink has caused dehydration. The dehydration sent us to 2 different emergency rooms since the surgery. I’ve seen my daughter cry in pain more than I’ve ever seen, and it has broken my heart to see that, and not be able to take the pain away. I was completely out of ideas to help my daughter.
I thought as a mother I was prepared and equipped for most things. This situation made me realize how unequipped and unprepared I truly am. The question is, is anyone? Sure I read the parenting blogs and books. Even took the advice from friends and loved ones who were already parents. It’s in times like these that we realize no matter how many books we read, shows we watch, or even consults with out loved ones, we’ll never truly feel equipped. Some of the best mothers I know doubt their own abilities and how prepared they are to be the best mother to their children.
I have come to the conclusion that I will never be the perfect mother, but I’m imperfectly perfect for my children. I do the absolute best I can to provide them with, and teach them everything they need to lead happy, healthy, and successful lives. I choose family above all other priorities aside from my spiritual relationship with God. I tell my kids I love them every day, multiple times a day. I smother them with hugs and kisses, even when they’re like “mooooooooommm!!”. (smile) I discipline when necessary, and I love at all times. My house is not spotless, and sometimes I’m too tired to cook, so I order food. I have off days, and I have emotional days. You know what? It works for us. As a family. As unprepared and unequipped as I am to be their mother, I am imperfectly perfect for my little blessings.