I’d Rather They Smoke with Me

Recently I was scrolling through social media only to come across a video of a mother and daughter. That, alone, sounds harmless. After all, there are endless videos of mother-daughter duos sharing their personal moments with the world. Unfortunately, this moment should have remained personal and, in my opinion, never taken place and never shared with the world. This video was of a mother teaching her teenage daughter how to perform oral sex using a cucumber.

I am all for educating out children with the proper information about all things in life. I believe it is the darkness of ignorance that holds our youth captive to their poor choices and residual consequences. Without wisdom attached to their experiences, they are never able to transcend beyond where they are into older, wiser, and productive adults who are capable of sowing seeds into those behind them, now prey to the same poor choices….but I digress.

This was not an educational video fit for a high school health or sex education class. It was sexual, sensual, and, in my opinion, inappropriate. The mother was explicitly showing and training her daughter how to give “good head” and it was uploaded for the world to see forever. Clearly, the mother had no concern for herself or thought of any legal issues. Child protective services never crossed her mind but what about her daughter? Millions is spent educating our children about online bullying and posting things that will follow them into college admission processes and job interviews. At bare minimum, this girl now gets to go through school being solicited by every horny teenage boy (or worse) for years.

Among one parenting group, this video sparked a larger discussion about what is acceptable to do with your children. What is okay to expose them to? Do the limits for inside the house differ from those outside? I have heard parents say, “If they are gonna drink I would rather they drink here so I know they are safe.” I have heard, “They are gonna smoke weed anyway. Its better that they do it with me so I can watch them and know what they are doing?” Wait…what? You are high and want to be the one to watch your child while they are high? Okay.

I understand the sentiment of a parent who would rather be the source of the correct information. I understand the protective nature of a parent who has conceded to the belief that “they are going to do it anyway” and wants to make sure their child is not ingesting, inhaling, or consuming any product that could be tainted or hazardous to their health or safety. I understand.

I talk to my daughter about more than most. She has been exposed to much until there is little that is a mystery to her. On the other hand, I have also had to go back and properly teach her something her friends or “the streets” tried to teach her incorrectly. But at the end of it all, there is a line that exists where a parent is supposed to educate what is acceptable for our society rather than condone it and participate in it with their children. That blurs and eventually completely recreates the boundaries until our entire moral standards are rewritten and not necessarily for the better.

With all that I do and will continue to teach my daughter about everything including oral sex, I can never envision myself videotaping me teach her how to perform it, then upload it to the internet. What do you think? Too far? Is smoking or drinking with your child different? Does the video make it worse? Would you rather your child do any illegal, frowned upon, or illicit thing with you, without you, or not all?

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