He Loves Me, But Not My Kid

One of the most touching stories I’ve ever heard about finding love again was from my mother. After having myself and my brother with our biological father, he played no positive role in our upbringing. He was not in a mental capacity where it was even healthy for him to be in a relationship, or raising children. When the time came for my mother to leave him, my brother was old enough to understand better than I what was going on.

She sat him down and told him we would be leaving. She also promised that any man she got in a relationship with after would love him like his own son. Fast forward to last year. My mom and my stepdad who raised me and I call dad, renewed their vows at their 30 year wedding anniversary. Remembering that story made me cry as I watched my brother proudly walk my mother down the aisle, and my dad stand at the altar beaming with pride. My mother was able to keep the promise she’d made over 30 years ago.

Needless to say I was a hot mess with tears streaming down my face. More importantly, our dad raised us like we were his biological children. He never made a separation. Every few years when our biological father would call from another stint in jail, and remember he had children, my dad would never stand in the way. He knew exactly where he stood with us, and his position was never threatened.

My belief is that when a man loves a woman enough, (and vice versa) they will love the child with a love that doesn’t show distinction for genetics. It wasn’t always easy working the blended family together, but they taught us as siblings that there is no half sister/brother, or step sister/brother. There is only brother and sister. Even better than teaching us, they were the example for it.

I know sometimes it can be rough as a woman starting new relationships where children are involved. When we have children, we have to look out for their best as well. That means we may be head over heels for a man, but if he chooses not to connect, or even try to connect with our child, we must rethink that relationship. It will end up costing us either the relationship with the man, or with our child as the resentment grows.

Children don’t always understand, and sometimes feel like they’re being replaced. This is especially true if it’s just been the child and mom for some time. However, settling for a relationship where there is a clear disconnect with the child due to lack of trying or caring will leave you constantly in the line of fire.

One of the best pieces of advice I can give is when you first start talking to this man, let him know you have a child/ren. If he’s not interested in any relationship with them, he’ll run and it’ll save you the heartbreak. As time passes, watch his interaction. Does he help them? Is he a positive influence? Does he truly care or is it a show for you? These are hard questions that as mothers, as sexy moms, we have to address.

It’s not impossible to find a man that loves your child the way you do. It’s actually more common than you might think. Our children are precious, and we have to ensure that they receive the love they need, and not feel like they were ever lacking. Or not feel like mom chose the new guy over me and he never loved me. Take it from me ladies, it makes a world of a difference when you can look back and say he loved me like his own.

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About the Author

Nadine
Nadine Smiley is a Writer, Author, Speaker, and Consultant. She is a Les Brown trained Speaker and is part of The Les Brown Maximum Achievement Team. She speaks on a variety of topics to include living your purpose, Entrepreneurship, balancing business and family, holistic wellness, etc.

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2 Comments

  1. Renay

    Reading this I immediately thought of “Color Me Father” by the Winstons.

    Youtube:
    http://youtu.be/GMx3diVKkcQ

    Lyrics:
    There’s a man at my house,
    He’s so big an’ strong.
    He goes to work each day,
    An’ he stays all day long.
    He comes home each night,
    Lookin’ tired an’ beat.
    He sits down at the dinner table,
    An’ has a bite to eat.
    Never a frown, always a smile.
    When he says to me, “How’s my chil’?”
    I say that, “I’ve been studying hard,
    All day in school,
    Tryin’ very hard to understand,
    The golden rule.”

    Think I’ll color this man father.
    (Color him father.)
    I think I’ll color him love.
    (Color him love.)
    Said, I’m gonna color him father.
    (Color him father.)
    I think I’ll color the man love.
    Yes I will.
    (Color him lo-hove.)

    He says, “Education is the thing,
    If you want to compete.
    Because without it son,
    Life ain’t very sweet.”
    I love this man,
    An’ I don’t know why.
    Except I’ll need his strength,
    Till the day that I die.
    My mother loves him an’ I can tell.
    By the way she looks at him,
    When he holds my little sister, Nell.
    I heard her say just the other day,
    That if it hadn’t ‘av been for him,
    She couldn’t have found her way.

    I Think I’ll color him father.
    (Color him father.)
    I’m gonna color him love.
    (Color him love.)
    I’ve got to color him father.
    (Color him father.)
    I think I’ll color this man love.
    (Color him lo-hove.)

    Our real old man,
    He got kille’ in the war.
    An’ she knows she an’ seven kids,
    Couldn’t of got very far.
    She said she thought that,
    She could never love again.
    An’ then there he stood,
    With that big, wide grin.
    He married my mother,
    An’ he took us in.
    An’ now we belong to the man,
    With that big wide grin.

    I got to color this man father.
    (Color him father.)
    I’m gonna color him love.
    (Color him love.)
    I’ve to color him father.
    (Color him father.)
    I believe I’ll color this man love.
    (Color him lo-hove.)

    He’s just been so good to me.
    (Color him father.)
    I feel I’ve got to have to color him love.
    (Color him love.)
    I’m gonna color him father.
    (Color him father.)
    I’ve got to color this man love.
    (Color him loooove.)

    He’s just been so good.
    [Fade.]
    (Color him father.)
    Yeah, I think I’ll color him love.
    (Color him love.)
    I’m goin’ to color him father.
    (Color him father…)

    • Nadine

      Beautiful song! Thanks for sharing!

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