One of the most touching stories I’ve ever heard about finding love again was from my mother. After having myself and my brother with our biological father, he played no positive role in our upbringing. He was not in a mental capacity where it was even healthy for him to be in a relationship, or raising children. When the time came for my mother to leave him, my brother was old enough to understand better than I what was going on.
She sat him down and told him we would be leaving. She also promised that any man she got in a relationship with after would love him like his own son. Fast forward to last year. My mom and my stepdad who raised me and I call dad, renewed their vows at their 30 year wedding anniversary. Remembering that story made me cry as I watched my brother proudly walk my mother down the aisle, and my dad stand at the altar beaming with pride. My mother was able to keep the promise she’d made over 30 years ago.
Needless to say I was a hot mess with tears streaming down my face. More importantly, our dad raised us like we were his biological children. He never made a separation. Every few years when our biological father would call from another stint in jail, and remember he had children, my dad would never stand in the way. He knew exactly where he stood with us, and his position was never threatened.
My belief is that when a man loves a woman enough, (and vice versa) they will love the child with a love that doesn’t show distinction for genetics. It wasn’t always easy working the blended family together, but they taught us as siblings that there is no half sister/brother, or step sister/brother. There is only brother and sister. Even better than teaching us, they were the example for it.
I know sometimes it can be rough as a woman starting new relationships where children are involved. When we have children, we have to look out for their best as well. That means we may be head over heels for a man, but if he chooses not to connect, or even try to connect with our child, we must rethink that relationship. It will end up costing us either the relationship with the man, or with our child as the resentment grows.
Children don’t always understand, and sometimes feel like they’re being replaced. This is especially true if it’s just been the child and mom for some time. However, settling for a relationship where there is a clear disconnect with the child due to lack of trying or caring will leave you constantly in the line of fire.
One of the best pieces of advice I can give is when you first start talking to this man, let him know you have a child/ren. If he’s not interested in any relationship with them, he’ll run and it’ll save you the heartbreak. As time passes, watch his interaction. Does he help them? Is he a positive influence? Does he truly care or is it a show for you? These are hard questions that as mothers, as sexy moms, we have to address.
It’s not impossible to find a man that loves your child the way you do. It’s actually more common than you might think. Our children are precious, and we have to ensure that they receive the love they need, and not feel like they were ever lacking. Or not feel like mom chose the new guy over me and he never loved me. Take it from me ladies, it makes a world of a difference when you can look back and say he loved me like his own.