Every Day, One Thing

Sexy moms are often busy moms. We are public transportation shuttling our children and their friends from activity to activity, chefs able to create full buffets on a budget of leftovers and air, and even medical personnel taking care of wounds and wiping noses. It is easy to look up and years have passed without accomplishing our personal goals or aspirations. That book goes unwritten. Fitness goals go unmet. Businesses go unopened.

There are 24 hours in a day. There are 365 of those days in a year and every four years (leap year) we get an extra day to help make things happen. If we took an honest look at how we spend our day we would have to admit there is more than enough time to put toward living our personal passion and achieving our goals.

I am one of those fanatics that believe doing is more important than sleeping. Each day I am learning more how to find balance. Until I reach that sweet spot in life I am going to work as hard (if not harder) for my dreams as I am willing to working a job that fulfills someone else’s dream.  I do not expect everyone to think exactly like me but you must be willing to do something –just one thing – everyday toward your goal.Whether you print out business license apps today then complete them tomorrow, write one page of your book a day, or finish one section of your business plan each day, if you make the time to do one thing each and every day toward completing your goal your efforts will yield success.

Hockey star, Wayne Gretzky, said it best when he said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” If you do nothing, you are guaranteed to have no results. Start the ball rolling. If you started and life took over so you stopped, then start again. Schedule the time through an alert on your phone. Wake up 15 minutes early or go to bed 15 minutes late. Do what you need to do. Make time for you to do one thing every day. Invest in one of the most important women in the world – You.

Women Attract Men

A few months ago, I attended a relationship event where I spoke as part of the panel. One particular question to us was how an available, dating woman can distinguish a boy from a man. One of the brothers on the panel took the lead. He very eloquently explained, in detail, the social, emotional, and spiritual definition of a man and the origin of where we, as a society and culture, went wrong in defining, creating and enabling eternal boys. The brother got deep with it. It was great.

I, as the only woman on the panel, took a different approach. Very simply I said then and believe today, a woman attracts a man. When you are a woman who is about her business, focused on her purpose, and living a full and complete life of family, friends, love, and passion, you can only attract someone who is like-minded. A “boy” will not be willing to keep up with or invest the time and energy into developing a relationship with that type of woman. Boys don’t build and that type of woman is a builder. She is building the life she wants now, the future she wants to come, and as a mom, the legacy she wants to leave her children’s children. They know what they want, have a plan for achieving it, and is putting that plan into practice. A woman will attract a man who is also building and requires a woman who can support a joint effort.

If you are dating and find yourself chasing “boys” who only want to play games, lay-up in your house, or require more of you then they are willing to give themselves, look in the mirror for the source of your problem. The first thing you must do is stop chasing. If you are a sexy mom who is focused on building, you should not have the energy, time, or desire to chase after a grown man. Next, you may need to do some self-reflection. Knowing we sub-consciously attract what we think we deserve, ask yourself why you feel you only deserve someone who is less concerned with you then pleasing themselves.

Do you know who you are? Do you know why you were created? Do you know what your purpose is outside of taking care of your children? Find the answers to the tough questions for yourself. Once you have some answers you will begin to see yourself differently. Your inner value will increase and you will be less willing to put your priceless jewels in a plastic bag. If you have completed the process and consider yourself a whole woman remember, you are an attractive, appealing female and “boys” like shiny things so you will attract some. Do not be discouraged. Because you are a woman they won’t stay. Just, get busy living. The woman you are will attract the man designed for you.

A Perfect Movie Date For The Kids

Recently I had the pleasure of taking my kids to see the movie “Moana”.  I have to say this is one of the best kids’ movies I have seen in a very long time!  First, it was empowering to my daughter that the lead character is the daughter of a Chief, and looks very much like her.  My son absolutely loved the musical scenes by Mauai, the demigod. You want to know what I loved? I loved that the movie was so in tune with the earth and the spirit. They even gave a good glimpse into the conflict Moana faced with wanting to obey her father and fulfill her role as the new Chief of the village vs her wanting to follow her heart’s desire.

I have to say the musical scenes were so amazing! The songs have been so catchy that we’ve all been busting out in random song singing them. They even had songs where they honored their ancestors, which was so important to see. During some of the scenes, they even did some of the cultural dances, which I may add, I would absolutely love to see in person one day.

In one of the songs, Moana sings just because your heart was broken, don’t let that change who you are. You are not your pain. That message was so deep to me, and resonated on so many levels.

As of recently, Zootopia was my favorite cartoon movie, but this has quickly jumped to first place in my book. If you want to take your kids to see a movie they’ll love, Moana is definitely a great choice for that!

Oh, and I would advise you to get the soundtrack as well. I know I’m looking for it!  Enjoy your movie date with the kids!

PS-Who knew Dwayne Johnson aka The Rock could sing as well as he does?!

A Lesson on Giving

Something has always baffled me. When we experience hardship, tragedy, or trauma, the struggle is seared into our memory. We remember the sounds, the smells, and the physical pain of the trial. It was that pain that either paralyzed us in time or drove us to do whatever was needed to never experience that hurt again. The experience became part of the fabric that makes us who we are today. Yet when we see others in a similar and very familiar situation, why are we not always 

Why I Don’t Teach My Kids To Believe In Santa

Every year starting in November we see Christmas decorations and sales kicking off.  Nowadays they don’t even let you get you through Thanksgiving before the Christmas ornaments go up.  While some kids are told stories of Santa Claus coming down the chimney with gifts, and Reindeers sitting on the roof, my kids are told to write up their Christmas lists so their loved ones know what they want.

I know, I know, before you say it, you think they’re losing out on their innocence because it’s such a “magical” time of year.  They won’t get to experience the magic of Santa.  Let me let you in on a secret, my kids still have their innocence, this is still a magical time of year for them as well.  They still try to stay awake all night to be up first thing in the morning to open their gifts. They still squeal and have the same joy that any child who believes in Santa will have on Christmas morning.

Now, they do know the story behind Santa Claus.  They’re familiar with who St. Nick actually was in history.  They just never bought into the whole Santa Claus thing, and to be honest, as parents we never sold it to them. I have seen when a kid gets devastated because they find out Santa isn’t real. I have seen when they feel like their parents lied to them when they learned the truth. I didn’t want to go through that with my kids.

While the majority of parents may disagree with me, I’m fine with that, but please don’t tell me that my child’s innocence will be lost because they don’t believe in Santa, the Tooth fairy, or the Easter bunny. Seriously?! How do you answer the question of a child who asks how Santa will get down the chimney to give them gifts when they have no chimney? How do you explain Santa “seeing them when they’re sleeping and knowing when they’re awake”?  That part actually sounds a little creepy when you look at it that way.

Yes, we still love this time of year with all of the cheerfulness and all of the buzz about the holidays. We still sing and dance to Christmas songs in the house. We still celebrate with family and friends. There is no innocence lost. They still get gifts they asked for, and some they didn’t even know about.  They are still reminded of the reason for this season. We choose to tell our children that their loved ones care enough for them that they sacrifice to get them what they need and want.  We want them to see beyond themselves. We want them to see that a major part of this holiday season (and all seasons) is in helping others. This is the way we choose to teach that lesson.

Many parents will disagree with our methods, and that’s ok. I won’t bash your methods, and don’t bash mine. There’s no cookie cutter way to raise kids, so we probably won’t agree on more than this one issue…and that’s ok. As I always say, whatever works for your family.  This is what works for ours. So from my family to yours, we wish you a safe, happy and healthy holiday season!

8 Ways To Beat The Holiday Blues

The holiday season should be a joyous and celebratory time for families. It can either bring out the best in people or the worst. During the holiday season is when the suicide rate increases, not only for the military and those deployed away from family, but also with those who suffer quietly from depression.  If you suspect someone is depressed, reach out to them. Let them know they are loved and cared for. If they are threatening or attempting to harm themselves or anyone else, call 911 for their safety and your own.

Here are 8 ways to beat the holiday blues:

1. Create your own image of what Christmas looks like to you:

Sometimes we think of the “image” of Christmas that we have in our heads.  Depending on our situation at the time, we may or may not be able to bring that image to life.  We may remember growing up with tons of decorations, presents pouring out from under the tree, tons of food, etc.  What if your finances don’t allow you to recreate that? Will that ruin your holidays? It shouldn’t. Do what you can, don’t try and keep up with the Joneses. If you can only do a simple meal, do it. If there’s no Christmas tree, fine. If presents aren’t pouring out from under the Christmas tree like the floor threw them up, that’s okay too. Do what works for you and your family, and celebrate each other. After all, the important part is quality time with the family and making new memories.

2. Pour into a hobby

Is there a hobby that you’ve been putting to the side, or haven’t had time to indulge in? The holidays usually slow down a little and give people much needed time. Use that time to indulge in your hobby(ies).  Enjoy the things that interest you, and you can even spend time with the family doing it. Do you enjoy scrapbooking? Get the kids together and make scrapbooks. Enjoy music? Grab some instruments and make music together. Spend that time enjoying yourself and your family.

3. Give back

Instead of focusing on ourselves this holiday season, which we often do, we can use this time to give back to those less fortunate. Normally I have my kids choose toys they no longer play with, but are in good condition and pack them up to give them to kids who don’t have everything they have. It reminds them that they are indeed blessed, and not to take it for granted. They feel good giving back as well, and it becomes a habit.

4. Spend time with family and/or friends

This one should be self-explanatory.  If possible, spend time with loved ones and enjoy each other’s company.  For many, they are far away from family.  If you can, spend the time with close friends.  If neither is around you, then honey, enjoy and celebrate yourself! You are important as well!

5. Get some fresh air!

Yes, it’s cold! Bundle up and get some fresh air and sunshine. Staying indoors can contribute to the holiday blues. Getting outside for fresh air and good old Vitamin D from the sun is important even if it’s just a walk around the neighborhood. It’ll change your mood.

6. Holiday favorites in effect

Put on your favorite dresses. Play your favorite holiday songs. Cook your favorite meals. Celebrate the way YOU want to celebrate. Take the time to focus on you.

7. Don’t spread yourself too thin

Of course wanting to spend time with your family is a good thing, but sometimes trying to do too much of a good thing can backfire as well. Running from one family’s house to another can be a lot, especially when there’s a time frame you’re trying to stick to. Be ok with only being able to make it to what you can without adding the extra stress. The holidays are about being able to enjoy yourself, not stress yourself out.

8. Shift your perspective

Focus on the good of the this holiday season. Don’t focus on splurging and going broke, focus on family, friends, giving back to those less fortunate, and just enjoying this season.

If you find yourself struggling, please seek professional help.  There is no shame, you are too important not to. If you feel like hurting yourself or someone else, please seek professional help.

Using Foods To Balance Hormones

Nowadays it seems like most women we know have some sort of hormonal issue that affects their health.  Unfortunately this can be an issue sometimes that can affect their daily life, causing pain, fatigue and more.  What many women are not taught is that they can use foods to help balance hormones and even relieve some pain caused by hormonal imbalances.

Here are some foods that can help balance your hormones:

Coconut oil: This is amazing for hormone health! There are many ways to get coconut oil. You can even cook with it. My favorite? Adding a spoonful of it to my coffee. I love it!

Avocado: Known for their oleic acid and other essential nutrients, these are great for balancing hormones. Adding avocados to your smoothie is another great way to those nutrients into your body.

Beetroot: Adding beetroot to salads and other foods, or even juicing it and drinking it is extremely beneficial in balancing hormones.  Having beet root at least twice a week is great for hormonal health.

Salmon: This fish is one of the top hormone balancing foods due to it’s high amount of Vitamin D and Omega-3 fatty acids.  Consuming this food once a week is ideal.

Tomatoes: This wonderful fruit is packed with flavanoids that help balance hormonal health.  With so many ways you can add tomatoes to your diet, this shouldn’t be hard to add.

Garlic: More specifically raw garlic is another great addition to your diet for hormonal health.  Garlic is packed with antioxidant and anti-inflammatory ingredients.  It also has Allacin in it, which helps the body break down and absorb iron.

Spinach: Raw spinach is super high in Magnesium and many other essential vitamins and minerals.  It helps you to produce good hormones and balance out your hormones.  You can throw spinach into your soups, stews, sandwiches, etc.

This is definitely not a comprehensive list of foods, but just a list to get you started.  Healing your body through food is VERY possible!

The Night the Bed Shook

Soon after being told my marriage was over, my daughter and I moved into a small one bedroom apartment in the middle of Northeast, DC. My possessions were few and my furnishing was meager.  Many times my daughter (then age 6) and I shared a twin bed. One day, as children do, my daughter caught a serious cold. What mom doesn’t want to hold and sooth their child when they are not well? So she slept with me. During the night I noticed she was warm and removed her shirt to wipe her down with a cold cloth.

On my way to the bathroom I heard a rattling sound reminiscent of windows and knick-knacks clanking in a house from the force of a train passing by. After a few seconds I realized it was coming from the bedroom. I ran in to find my daughter’s mouth foaming and her body locked in full seizure. The shaking was so intense until the metal bed frame left scratches on the wall. After that night, life would never be the same.

It has been years of EEG’s, medications, adjusting medications, side effects from medications, leaving work for doctor appointments, sleepless nights, worry about every twitch and blank stare, on and on. Dealing with what doctors describe as a chronically sick child is one of the loneliest things you can experience. You don’t want to burden others with what is your responsibility, your child, so you don’t share much. Explaining to others that there is no real solution to the problem doesn’t make much sense to you and sounds even crazier when you say it to others.  So you press through in silence; alone.

Your eyes are always peeled and ears perked for any warning signs so sleep becomes a luxury. You over-compensate for the times their issue caused them to miss school or a social activity by taking them out for their favorite dessert or to see the latest movie so treating yourself becomes non-existent. They are already going through so much and you never want them to feel the true weight of life as it so with them you only celebrate the positives and in solitude silently cry when they have fallen asleep.

It only takes a moment for life to change. After 9-11 I interviewed recording artist Fred Hammond about the collapse of the World Trade Centers. He reminded me that there are towers coming down every day in people’s lives. One of his band members had been recently diagnosed with cancer. For a young man, that hit to his health was a tower he thought would always stand, falling down.

There are so many directions I could take this post. The main thing I want you to know is that you are not alone. Whether your child has health challenges, physical limitations, or mental/emotional concerns, you are not alone. The doctors will not serve as you or your child’s social and emotional advocate. You will need to play that role. It is as important a role as the person who drives them to their appointments or covers the co-pays to medications. But, the person who keeps them encouraged and speaking “Can’s” and not “Can’ts” has to maintain a “Can” in themself first. The elders used to say, “You can’t pour Kool-Aid from an empty pitcher.” Stay filled.

There are so many support groups on social media now. Many meet locally and help carry the load of transporting, baby-sitting, or just talking. Talk to nurses and ask if they know of organizations. Community organizations and churches often have resources as well. Feel free to use this as a platform to connect with others. It is not take care of them OR you. You can and must take care of them AND you. Give yourself permission. You are just that important. Our children came from us and are more in tune with our emotional state than we are willing to admit. There wholeness is directly connected to ours. Life did not change to kill you. It changed to grow you. Stay encouraged.

Keeping Your Kids Active During Winter Months

With the winter months upon us it’s more difficult to keep our kids active and moving throughout the season. This leaves them with the risk of obesity, as well as with a ton of bottled up energy that as parents will drive us absolutely nuts! One of my sons is a ball of energy and when he is stuck in the house, can become quite the tornado. Of course this leaves me searching for activities to do with the kids to keep them active.

A nice activity to do with the kids every winter is always ice skating.  Of course bundling up is in order, and perhaps a trip for hot chocolate immediately afterward.  Playing in the snow is another calorie burning exercise that can be a blast for the whole family.  A tradition that my kids and I have is once we finish playing in the snow, we come in the house, strip off the wet clothes, change into pajamas and enjoy some hot chocolate.  It’s a tradition that my mother did with us when we were kids and went outside to play in the snow.  I passed it on to my kids.

Window shopping or mall walking is another activity that can be fun for the family with the added benefit of being indoors and warm.  There’s a mall I would go to sometimes that had a cookie store in it. This cookie store served the most delicious chocolate chip cookies! And they were nice and warm and gooey! I’m telling you those cookies made my toes curl! It helped that we could walk the calories off by walking the rest of the mall too. Great idea to wear the kids out.

If your kids are stuck on video games, try getting a video game that keeps them active. There are dance games that can be a real workout for kids.  It’ll burn their excess energy along with the extra calories.  Pokemon Go is another game that has kids more than willing to walk miles just to catch rare and legendary Pokemon. Often they don’t even realize they’re exercising, it’s all just fun for them, which is what exercise should be anyway.

Indoor obstacle courses can really turn a boring, ho-hum day into a fun one while working the kids out. It doesn’t take much more than a decently sized room, pillows and chairs. My son is one of those kids that loves obstacle courses.  Of course you can always order stuff to really amp up the obstacle course, or you can just use what you have at home.  Whatever works best for your family and your wallet.

Scavenger hunts can be really fun too.  If your kids are competitive like mine, they’ll really be on the hunt not only to find the items in question, but to also outdo each other. We don’t really celebrate Easter, but I like to buy them little eggs that come out around Easter, fill them with chocolate or something else and hide them around the house. It’s so much fun to watch them search for those elusive prizes while wearing themselves out.  You know they’ll sleep good that night.

Come up with creative and fun ways to get the exercise in, not only for the children, but as a family. And as always, winter tends to make people decrease their water intake.  Make sure you and the children are staying hydrated.  It will help ward off the cold/flu germs as well.

Enjoy and stay warm!

Friends With Your Ex?

Friends with the ex seems to be a hot button topic, and from what I’m discovering, the rules are changing. As far as I always knew, being friends with an ex while in a current relationship was a no-no for the sake of the current relationship. Now before you go on about why your relationship is different, and about how you’ve both arrived so trust doesn’t even have to be questioned anymore, I already know there are exceptions to the rule. However, where do you draw the line?
There are some couples that will only allow a friendship when they can do “double” dates. Others do not allow those friendships for any reason, leaving their partner to either write off their ex for the sake of the relationship, or have to sneak around to carry on any semblance of a relationship.
Of course there are always those couples where one feels secure in their position and does not mind their significant other being friends with their ex.
I’d love to hear what works for your relationship. Do you have an open friendship with an ex? Does your significant other? Sound off!