Recently the media has announced that singer Ciara is now pregnant by her husband, NFL star Russell Wilson. They have consistently been in the eye of media attention for the relationship Russell Wilson has with Ciara’s son, who is also the son of Rapper, Future. Future has taken to the media to vent about his ex, and the role her now husband plays in their son’s life. Russell has fully embraced a fatherly role with Ciara’s son, which was met with negative comments from Future.
This looks like a clear cut situation of an ex finding love, while the other in the relationship is still holding hostile feelings over it. Future’s comments not only serve to make him look bad, but they make him appear like he’s still salty over their failed relationship.
So how do you handle it when your ex finds love and you’re still single?
1) Whatever you do, don’t vent about the failed relationship, or about your ex!
That makes you look like you’re still pining over your ex. You may well be still pining, but the public doesn’t have to know that. It makes you look bad when you vent about them. And trust that people WILL ask how you feel about it. A very simple answer is, I hope he’s happy with her. Or, I wish him the best. Don’t feed in to the bait.
2) If you’re single, you better date yourself!
Here’s the thing, when we get in a relationship, it’s about making the other person happy. It’s no longer all about you anymore. While you’re single, spend that time doing the things you’ve been wanting to do with and for yourself. Make yourself happy! You deserve it! Take yourself out to dinner and a movie. Buy yourself some flowers and chocolates. Mmmm…did someone say chocolate? Lol! Go see a Broadway show or a musical that you’ve been wanting to see. Focus on yourself. This way when you do get in to another relationship, you won’t feel like you’re lacking in any way.
3) Keep in mind that your ex’s new partner is not your replacement!
What I mean by that is just because they are the new partner, it doesn’t mean they are better than you in any way. It doesn’t mean they are smarter, prettier, thinner, fatter, nicer, or anything else. As women we often torture ourselves wondering what void we couldn’t fill in our partner that their new partner is now filling. The truth is, we are responsible for our own happiness. If that’s the choice that makes your partner happy, so be it. Now get to work making yourself happy instead of wondering where you lacked. You could be perfect in every area and that may not be enough to stop the relationship from failing, and your ex from finding someone new. That burden is not yours to take on. Leave it right there, and don’t pick it up. Will those thoughts creep into your head? Absolutely! Do you have to entertain them? Not even for a moment!
4) Instead of focusing on the “failure” of the relationship, focus on the lessons learned.
No relationship is a waste of time if lessons were learned through the process. My mother and my biological father did not stay together. I never had a relationship with him. One thing I have and will always respect my mother for is instead of badmouthing him or talking about what went wrong in the relationship, she always said she got 2 great things out of it; myself and my brother. That completely changed my perception of it. Had she gone on about all the wrong and all the hurt she’d faced, as a kid, I probably would have internalized much of that and felt like I was the product of a failed relationship. Instead I felt like I was one of two blessings from that relationship. Focus on the blessings and the lessons.
5) New relationship doesn’t mean new attitude!
Often we see one ex has quickly jumped into a new relationship. Does it mean they’re totally over you? Absolutely not! Does it even mean they’re happy? Nope! Sometimes when a relationship fails, people are left feeling like they need to be validated. They often jump into new relationships to fill that validation, only to find that a new relationship doesn’t fill that. Sometimes they jump into a new relationship for the right reasons and it ends up working out. Either way, a relationship normally fails because of action or inaction on both parts. Jumping into a new relationship doesn’t diminish the care that partner had for you, nor does it fix any flaws you may have needed to work on. If the issue was communication, then it will pop up as an issue in any new relationship until it is changed. This applies on both parts. If the issue was lack of affection, it will rear it’s ugly head again. Address what you know to be negative attitudes or “flaws” so you give any new relationship the best chance at success.
Most of all, love you for you! Fall in love with your self! Don’t wait on anyone to sweep you off your feet. Treat yourself like the Queen you are! You are worth it! Your worth is not dependent on anyone else’s ability to acknowledge or accept it.