He Wants Sex, You Don’t; What Now?

Humans can be funny creatures. We can be so much more sensitive than we seem to realize. Rejection does not sit well with us, whether we be male or female. During a conversation with some girlfriends recently, we discussed a pretty common topic that is not often discussed out loud.
What do you do when he wants some, but you’re just not in the mood, or too sleepy? If you’re in a serious relationship, or have been, you know what that’s like when you’re either already asleep, or well on your way, and you get that all too familiar tap.

So here’s the conundrum, do you either sacrifice your sleep, or sacrifice his ego with a rejection, and how do you do it without really sounding mean (because of course you’ll be on that side sooner rather than later too).
So I’ve found myself in that position (no pun intended) with my husband many times. In the beginning, I would flat out reject him, not caring much about his ego, or how it would make him feel. It took him having to explain to me one day, (keep in mind, this is my man, so your man may be different) that the intimate connection is not just for physical pleasure, but another way to connect on a deeper level. It was his explanation that made me reconsider the way I handled those middle of the night taps.

Like most men, he didn’t feel good about being rejected. Even more so, me not being very considerate of his feelings while rebuffing his advances left him not even wanting to “connect”.  What I had to also consider was the reason behind why I was rejecting him. Was I rejecting him over things I had not yet communicated to him, that I was still upset about? Or was I rejecting him because I truly didn’t feel up to it?

An older woman once told me something that I found to be very beneficial when it comes to bedroom business. She told me it’s more of a mental thing than it is a physical thing. Focus on the moment, and on each sensation, and your body will respond in kind. All of the concerns from the day need to be set to the side for those moments. That means no holding on to the anger from the day when he forgot to take out the trash. No holding on to the anger when he forgot to do the dishes. I’m not saying you shouldn’t address it. What I’m saying is enjoy the moments. Addressing those things have their own times.

For the times when you truly don’t feel up to it, perhaps letting him down the way you would want to be rejected. You wouldn’t want him to snap at you with a “don’t touch me!” response. Don’t punish your man by withholding sex. It’ll only hurt the relationship. Respond to him the way you would want him to respond to you. It’ll make a big difference.

Now of course there is the situation where the woman is doing everything, and the man comes home expecting to get some, but she’s so exhausted, she rejects him. As women we’re so used to taking care of the house and the kids that sometimes the sexual needs of our man comes last. As wives, this is the part that gets tricky. Sometimes you have to “take one for the team”. Other times it’s going to take some communication and understanding on both ends for this to work. Whatever you do, don’t neglect this area of the relationship though. As important as it was in the beginning, it’s just as important during the relationship too.

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