Trust After Infidelity: Can It Ever Be Restored?

[yop_poll id=”1″]

Have you ever been in that place where you learned the love of your life has betrayed your trust, and cheated on you? Have you had the wind knocked out of you with this discovery? Has your relationship crumbled? Or have you had to fight to get past this?

Infidelity is one of those things that can not only destroy an entire relationship, but can also destroy a woman’s sense of self. it will leave a woman asking, “am I enough?”, “Where did I go wrong?”, “What wasn’t I able to give him that he found in her?”. It can leave the woman with trust issues, that she punishes others for for fear of being hurt again.

Can trust ever be restored after such a painful betrayal?

Well, it depends on the situation. Every situation is different. Are you able to forgive, or do you hold on to grudges? Do you need to see that your partner is remorseful? Are you willing to accept this behavior? Are you aware that you deserve better than for this behavior to continue?

There have been many relationships that have been able to heal, and move forward after infidelity. In those cases, the couple had to learn how to be completely honest with each other about everything. They had to learn to work through the anger, the hurt, the betrayal. They had to learn to let go of the past and focus on the future together. In some cases that involves getting professional help. Either way, it requires a great deal of work on both parts if the goal is to restore the relationship.

It requires some painful truths to be shared, boundaries to be set, and patience to deal with each other. There will be days during the healing process where you feel like you hate that significant other for hurting that way. There will be days where you remember why you fell in love in the first place. There will be days where you feel confused, and others where you feel absolutely sure what to do next. Be patient with yourself. The healing process is nothing to rush. In order for you to process through, and be able to mend those wounds and move forward, you have to be able to address those feelings as they arise, no matter how long it may take. It also requires you to not throw the indiscretion in your partner’s face during the heat of an argument. That indicates that while you may say you forgive, you haven’t truly forgiven.

For the times where there is no desire to restore the relationship, or when one of the two are not willing to work to fix the cracks in the foundation, then that relationship may need to become a thing of the past. Something to remember is not to make others pay for the faults of someone in your past. More relationships are ruined because someone makes their current significant other pay for the mistakes of a past lover. Above all, if you decided to let go of the relationship, it’s more than likely because you deserve more than what is being offered. There is nothing wrong with that. However, you also have to remember to forgive, even if that ex never shows any sign of remorse.

Cheating is a choice. No one accidentally cheats on their significant other. However, people are people, and sometimes we make poor choices. Whether you choose to stay or leave after finding out a significant other cheated, be confident in your decision, and don’t allow family or friends to make the decision for you. After all, you’re the only person who has to live with the consequences.

I would love to hear your thoughts on our poll. Let me know; Is trust after infidelity possible?

Comments

comments

About the Author

Nadine
Nadine Smiley is a Writer, Author, Speaker, and Consultant. She is a Les Brown trained Speaker and is part of The Les Brown Maximum Achievement Team. She speaks on a variety of topics to include living your purpose, Entrepreneurship, balancing business and family, holistic wellness, etc.

Related Posts

What Men Think About Oral Sex

What Men Think About Oral Sex

[su_youtube url=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WZ4SmK5cWo”] As women, do we know how to be pleased and what pleases us or…
Sex After Baby: Does It Exist?
Make Your Kids College Pay For Itself!

19 Comments

  1. Rena (An Ordinary Housewife)

    I have never been in that situation. I do believe eventual trust can be possible, but with very hard work and time.

    • Nadine

      Hi Rena!
      Thank you! I’ve never been in that situation…at least not in a relationship I was truly invested in. I’m grateful for that.
      I agree, it does take hard work and time.

  2. amanda mcmahon

    You know I’m not sure if someone can ever fully trust again.

    • Nadine

      Hi Amanda,
      That’s a great point. Some people are unable to trust again. No one wants to be hurt.

  3. laura

    Well done. Appreciate your focus on affairs as a choice, not an accident. The research is pretty clear on this: Infidelity is a response to, or escape from, one own unaddressed emotional issues.

    We help women heal from the trauma of infidelity. Sometimes their marriage/relationships mends and trust is rebuilt, sometimes not…but their own personal healing is absolutely possible.

    Laura S.
    Executive Director
    Infidelity Counseling Network
    http://www.infidelitycounselingnetwork.org

    • Nadine

      Hi Laura,
      Thank you for weighing in on this.
      I absolutely agree with you!
      Thanks!

  4. Maureen

    As someone who was the one that walked away from a marriage filled with infidelities, this post hit close to my heart. I stayed and tried so hard to rebuild the marriage, I had massive trust issues after but denial from my ex made things so much worse to fix. I had read countless of ‘advices’ and ‘tips’ on how to make it work passed infidelities but first and foremost I strongly believe both parties must acknowledge that there really was an infidelity. When one party made it sounds like the other party is hallucinating then you got deep problem. That’s what happened to me. I am now in a far better place but I salute couples who can work things out and I understand couples who couldn’t.

    • Nadine

      Hi Maureen,
      My heart goes out to you. You didn’t deserve that.
      The act of trying to get the other person to think they’re hallucinating is in fact manipulation.
      I completely understand why you didn’t stay.
      I’m glad to hear that you’re in a better place now. That makes all the difference.

  5. Missy

    interesting topic! Good points

  6. Lynne Streeter Childress

    I have never been in this situation but I have seen couples who got through this, but also seen couples where the offending party was not able to admit their wrong, and it couldn’t work .

  7. Jess Beer

    I believe it truly depends on the people and situation. In college, I was in a long-term relationship that ended because he was unfaithful – I just couldn’t trust him anymore. There are so many factors that go into it, but you have to trust your gut.

  8. Melinda @ Daintydork.com

    I hope I never have to deal with this kind of thing 🙁 I don’t know if I could forgive.

  9. sara

    I have been cheated on… and I could not move past it. Being married now I feel I could not work it out. Being brutally honest with myself… I would hold the anger and absolutely not be able to trust again. Even with my family at stake I’m pretty sure I would drive myself mad with “why were you home late” etc and questioning everything.

  10. Lynsey

    Maybe forgive but how could you ever forget? I don’t know that I could do either.

  11. Claire

    I don’t think I’d be able to stay – I’ve put a lot of thought into this actually haha. I mean maybe when actually in that position I would react differently so who knows.

  12. WendyKate

    This is a tough one. My first husband apparently forgot to stop dating once we were married. It was crushing when I finally put all the pieces together and figured out what was going on. But I often wonder if that marriage should have happened in the first place. Looking back, we were so young and not really ready to make the kind of commitments that marriage requires. So, in our case, I feel it was best the marriage ended. But I do know of others that have been able to put the pieces back together. Maybe they had stronger marriages initially on which to rebuild. Maybe they just were more mature. I guess I think it’s an such an individual choice, that it’s hard to say yay or nay in an over arching way. Great topic.

  13. Lenze

    I know that I could not trust my spouse again if this were to happen to me. I know myself and it would only get worse. For some people, it has worked and they make it work. For me, it wouldn’t.

  14. Bernadette Callahan (@AimlessMoments)

    Great post and great topic. I think the whole thing depends on those involved. I am sure trust after anything like infidelity would be terribly difficult to get back.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *