Are You Sleeping With “The Enemy”?

I remember when I wanted to start my business Nadine Renee Naturals.  My husband wasn’t fully convinced that all this “natural stuff” actually worked.  It wasn’t until I made a believer of him, but using the natural remedies, that he changed his mind.  The more I made, and exposed him to, the more he was convinced.  He is fully convinced now, and supports my career choice.  When I decided to start SexyMomsRock with Denise, he was supportive once again.  He loved the idea, and thought women would respond well to such a positive business.

Thankfully, I haven’t had to battle with my husband about supporting my business goals.  While we both continue to maintain two completely different viewpoints of business, we continue to support each other, even through the discouraged days.  Please believe that there are days when you do feel discouraged, and you don’t want someone around you that would dump on you during those days.  You want to be with someone who can encourage you on those days, and allow you to vent.

So what happens when the person you’re with is rooting for your failure? What happens when they want to be in control, and can’t bear to see your business or vision thrive?  What happens when their insecurities make them say things so hurtful that you second guess the choices you’ve made, and the vision only you can see?

Insecurity can cause people to turn on you quick.  Insecurity can cause a spouse, or significant other to become someone unrecognizable.  Chances are, if this rings a bell with your mate, you’ve already seen the warning signs long before you showed them you wanted to go forward in your career or business.  These are warning signs you probably chose to ignore, or thought you could “fix”.  In only a few cases is this something that only arises when the situation arises.

So what do you do?  There are only a few things you can do in this situation.

1) Counseling: You can do couples counseling to find the root of the problem, and to see if this behavior can be changed.  Unfortunately…or fortunately, you will get out of this what you BOTH put into it.  Often times the root of the jealousy, or insecurity is rooted in the mate feeling like they have not achieved the potential for their own lives.  While it is not your personal issue, but one that they need to handle, it allows you to get a clearer picture in to the heart of the situation.  This will show you whether the situation can even be changed, or if it’s a dead relationship.

2) Decide: You will need to decide how important having your partner’s support and encouragement is to you.  for some, they are able to turn the views of their partner around by exposing them to what it is they do, or exposing them to the profits of the job or business.  If you are one of the people that can stand on your own, and that is not a major factor in your relationship, then it may be an area you both need to keep separated, but the relationship itself can continue to stay intact.

3) Follow Your Dreams: If the encouragement and support is something you desire, and require in your relationship, and your partner can not or will not fulfill that need, you may have to follow your dreams and let go of a dead relationship.   Sure, you can stay and hope they will change.  You might even be able to convince them.  After you’ve given it your all, you need to decide what’s best for you.  Following your dreams may be the choice you have to make.

As for me, support is a desire and requirement for my relationship.  It would put a major strain on my marriage if my husband could not, or would not support my dreams.  I support my husband’s vision and his dreams, and I expect the same in return with mine.  This is a non-negotiable need in my relationship.

So let us know, have you been sleeping with “the enemy”?  What have you done about it?  What worked/didn’t work for you?  Do you regret your decision?  We’d love to hear from you!

About Nadine

Nadine Smiley is a Writer, Author, Speaker, and Consultant. She is a Les Brown trained Speaker and is part of The Les Brown Maximum Achievement Team. She speaks on a variety of topics to include living your purpose, Entrepreneurship, balancing business and family, holistic wellness, etc.

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About the Author

Nadine
Nadine Smiley is a Writer, Author, Speaker, and Consultant. She is a Les Brown trained Speaker and is part of The Les Brown Maximum Achievement Team. She speaks on a variety of topics to include living your purpose, Entrepreneurship, balancing business and family, holistic wellness, etc.

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