Is The Spice In Your Relationship Fizzling?

Let’s face it ladies, when you’re in a long term relationship there may be times when the bedroom can go from a blazing fire to just slowly simmering. The passion that ignited us in the beginning seems to transform into a slow burning ash.  As much as we may not want to admit it sometimes, sex plays a major role in our relationships.

The five best lessons I learned when it comes to the area of the bedroom are these:

1) Never let it get dull and boring, or feel like a chore.  Get as creative as you and your partner will comfortably allow.  Children and time schedules should not dictate the intimacy, or lack thereof.  Even if you have to set an appointment time, don’t forsake the intimate connection in your relationship.

2) My husband had to teach me that sex isn’t just a physical act.  It’s a way of connecting, and showing your mate that you still desire them.  When I looked at it from that perspective, it changed my whole outlook on it.  For many women, after we start having babies and our bodies change, it can be hard for us to accept that change. Some of us begin to hide our bodies, and tend to reflect that onto our mates.  For me personally, I don’t feel there’s anything sexy about my stretch marks.  I have voiced this to my husband.  His response is always the same.  He doesn’t even see the stretch marks. And on top of that, I got them from carrying his children, so they mean something to him.

3) Just like everything else, sex is mental.  As inhibited and locked in as your mind is, you will be too.  An older woman once told me when it comes to my marriage and to bedroom matters, just enjoy the moments.  She said too much thinking and analyzing can ruin the moments.  This can also work against you enjoying the moment fully with your mate.  When you get with your mate, and they see you enjoying the moments, it allows them to enjoy the moment as well.

4) What you won’t do for your mate, someone else will: Now, my disclaimer to this is not every mate will cheat if they feel unfulfilled, and they definitely don’t have a license to do so whether you refused something they wanted or not.  Communication is the adult thing to do.  With that being said, what you won’t do for your mate, may well leave them feeling unfulfilled.  The intention is to please your mate in all aspects of life, so this is one area that is included.  It may be a good idea to ask your spouse every so often if there is anything they would like for you to do to please them.

5) Take the time to continually bond with your mate.  When the children grow up and leave the house, if you don’t work to keep the bond with your mate, you may turn around and find that you both have become two strangers living under the same roof.  Yes, children are a priority, but a healthy relationship should also be a priority as well.  I can’t imagine in 10 more years taking a look at my husband and thinking I don’t even know who he is anymore.  It happens more than we realize. Work hard to continually learn your partner. As time passes, people change.  Spend the time changing and growing together instead of apart.

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