How To Kill Your Sex Life: The Bonnet Debate

A recent story to hit the tabloids has been the rocky marriage of R&B an Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kandi Buruss and her husband Todd, whom during an interview revealed that he felt the lack of sex was due to Kandi’s wearing of a bonnet to bed every night.

Kandi told Todd she wanted them to seek marriage counseling together because of their lack of sex in the relationship.  Todd’s response to this was: “I can’t believe Kandi wants me to go to marriage counseling. I know things in the bedroom have been a little tough for me and Kandi, but is it that extreme?”  Todd felt the problem was due to finances, while Kandi felt sex once a week was a problem in their marriage.  Todd’s response after learning the problem was in the bedroom, was “Let’s be real. I’m not Tyson Beckford and you’re not Rihanna. When’s the last time you didn’t have the bonnet on and you put some heels on?”  He then went on to say in the confessional “Man have you seen a lady at night with a bonnet on? The most thirstiest dude wouldn’t get it up!”

Here’s the video clip of the awkward conversation:  Todd & Kandi: Rihanna diss

Todd & Kandi

Now ladies, let me be the first to say this; Yes, you should look good for      your man!  In turn, your man should want to look good for you as well.  I  understand ladies, when your hair is freshly laid.  You do what you have  to do to keep that hair done.  You want it to last as long as possible.  However, a bonnet or head tie EVERY night is a problem.

For me, that’s the equivalent of your man wearing underwear full of  holes.  So…not…sexy!  There are times when I have to wear a head tie to  sleep at night.  I try not to make it too much of a habit, as I know my husband isn’t into it. There are times when he lets his hair and his facial hair grow too long, which is a total turnoff to me.  I’ve let him know that I don’t like that look.  Just as he expects me to look good, and represent him, and turn him on, I expect the same from him.

Our relationship is much deeper than just sex, but please let us not lie to ourselves and act like sex is not a major part of our relationship.  It really is.  Ladies, if you want to be eye candy to your man, a bonnet every night will not do it. Put on a pair of heels sometimes.  Be willing to get your hair messed up every so often.  Fellas, we want you all to look good and smell good for us too.  Cut your nails, wash up, cut your hair.  A clean, well groomed, nice smelling man is very sexy.

I can easily say I do have days where I will walk around in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.  Will I make it a habit? Not at all!  Some days are just “sitting around the house in sweats” days.  Ladies, you can be sexy in sweats too.  Just as you want your man to be eye candy, please remember, you’ve got to be eye candy for him too.  It will be 10 years in my marriage this year, and I still work to be eye candy for my husband.  I also expect him not to get comfortable and to be eye candy for me as well.

We’d love to hear from you! What do you think about the bonnet debate? Does it hinder your sex life? Does your man ignore it? Let us know!

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About the Author

Nadine
Nadine Smiley is a Writer, Author, Speaker, and Consultant. She is a Les Brown trained Speaker and is part of The Les Brown Maximum Achievement Team. She speaks on a variety of topics to include living your purpose, Entrepreneurship, balancing business and family, holistic wellness, etc.

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