I got married when I was 21, turning 22. I was still an impulsive young woman who had not yet learned exactly who I was, but thought I had all of the answers. My husband was only a year older and was still finding himself as well. While we thought we knew who we were, it’s amazing how life will change you through the years. The challenge in a marriage is navigating through those changes together instead of apart. I must admit I have changed quite a bit since getting married over a decade ago. My morals and integrity have not changed, but my views on issues and my outlook on the world has. Understanding who I am as a woman had to be learned.
Trying to be what I thought was a “good wife” left me taking on too much while denying myself the goals I wanted to achieve for myself. I put the needs of everyone else in front of mine. While my husband never asked me to do any of this, I thought this was the role a “good wife” had to take. It wasn’t until I decided to redefine the role of a “good wife” that I was able to see the influence I had allowed to play a role in my decisions.
One of the main things I try to remind moms is not to lose themselves in their marriage and kids. Before we got married and had children, we had dreams, visions, and goals. Our family needs to see us pursuing our own goals while also being mom and wife. This unconsciously gives our kids the reassurance in knowing it’s ok to pursue what they need to for their lives and their happiness. No one else is responsible for our happiness but us.
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