As much as we may want to plan out our lives, and even prepare ourselves for what life has for us, the truth is we can’t. No matter how much of a planner you are, life will throw something your way that will knock you to your knees, and send you reeling. I’ve been there myself quite a few times.
Last year I found myself in one of those times. I was pregnant, and in my second trimester and miscarried. Not only did I have to still deliver the baby at home after a dose of Cytotec, but apparently my follow up dr missed the fact that I didn’t deliver everything. I was at work one day and felt what I could only describe as contractions. I made my way to the hospital just in time to start hemorrhaging. I lost over a pint of blood that day. I ended up needing multiple blood transfusions, and emergency surgery. Cancer cells were found in my blood due to this, and I had blood work to do every week for the following few months. This is did not even factor in the emotional toll that it took on me.
As moms, we find ourselves in places where we are truly are in need emotionally, but we put it on the back burner to tend to everyone else’s needs. I developed anxiety attacks, and to an extent went through a depression behind this. I knew my family was still healing from almost losing me physically, I couldn’t afford to put them through losing me emotionally.
I decided to take care of me, and started therapy to get the help I needed. Now I know therapy is so stigmatized that people run from it instead of to it. However, this therapist made a world of a difference with me. While she challenged me, she also helped me get to the root of what I was going through. Much of it was fear I had allowed to develop. Irrational fear at that.
After a few months with the therapist, the anxiety attacks stopped. I was able to sleep again, and function normally. In our cultures we look at therapy and mental health with this stigma like someone isn’t strong enough, or there’s something wrong with them if they seek out help for their mental health. Why then are we surprised when they snap and shoot up schools and movie theaters? This could be avoided by getting people (including ourselves) the help that’s needed. We owe it to ourselves and to our families to be able to perform at our best quality, otherwise we are cheating ourselves and our families out of our lives.
Another thing that helped tremendously was having friends and family that I could be transparent with, and talk and vent to. They could not be my therapist, but they could be my friend. There is a distinction between the two.
I have no shame when I say I was in therapy and it helped me get back to the best me that I could. Did I feel like my world shattered? No doubt. The first step in getting back to me was acknowledging that I needed help, and making myself go get it. Acknowledging with no action means nothing. Was it always pleasant? Not at all. Was it needed? Yes indeed!
Heart break will happen. How we deal with it is what makes the difference in not only our lives, but in the lives of our family. It’s never too late to start healing from heart break. Sexy moms strive to function at the best quality of life that they can. You’re needed. You make a difference!
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