Woman Assaulted After Demanding Mom Quiet Screaming Child

By now I’m sure most of you have heard about the story of the San Francisco woman who was assaulted by a mom who was shopping with her child while the child was having a tantrum, and the woman demanded her to quiet her screaming child. I’m unclear on whether the child actually had a diagnosis of some sort of disability, or if the child was simply having a temper tantrum. The story is reported that another woman shopping came up to the mother and told her to keep her kid quiet. An argument then ensued, and the mother of the child attacked the other woman and was since arrested.

Now, as easy as it is to judge on either side, let’s examine for a minute. I have been the mother whose child has had a meltdown in the store. I used to dread going into any store with my son. He has since outgrown many of the behaviors, but he is diagnosed as Autistic. I didn’t just sit in the store while my son was having a meltdown though. Unfortunately, I would have to leave whatever groceries, or whatever I had picked up right there and leave the store with him. Not only was it unpleasant for others, but it was also unpleasant for myself, and my son.

However, if anyone would have come up to me and told me to make my child be quiet, and I’m already flustered trying to calm my child, then that person could definitely expect a nasty response back. Why not go up to the flustered mother and say is there anything I can do to help? That would’ve made a monumental difference. All in all, the mother was still absolutely wrong for attacking the woman. Whether the woman was meddling or her intentions were good, but things just went really south, really fast, what lesson did she teach her child by attacking a woman in front of her? Now the child had to watch her mother assault another woman, which to the child displayed that it was ok to have that lack of self-control.

Please know that I am one of those mothers that is very defensive of my children. I’m very sensitive as to what is said to them. The world will do it’s best to tear down our children, so it’s our responsibility to build them up as much as we can. Also know that if my child is wrong, I will not hesitate to correct them, and address whatever behavior needs to be addressed. That’s MY job though. Not some random woman who may be walking through the store and doesn’t want to hear my child cry. In that same vein, in correcting the behavior, it may mean removing my child from the store to allow other shoppers to have a peaceful experience.

If we are to find fault with one mother here, then we need to find fault in both women. While one action may be worse than the other, it doesn’t negate the fact that the woman should not have involved herself if she had nothing positive to say. I have seen women remark on this topic and say that the woman in the store was not wrong in voicing her opinion. Yeah…right!!

We live in a society where everyone feels their opinions of others’ lives is their business. That is not the case. Sometimes that will get you attacked by a frazzled, angry, stressed out mother who isn’t rationally thinking. Please don’t get this twisted, I am not condoning her behavior at all. It was ridiculous, and showed complete lack of self-control and logical thought, and deserves the assault charge. I just hope that this also serves as a reminder of the phrase “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. You might just make it into the news and be the topic of women divided on either side throughout the country.

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Reflections of Motherhood

Mothers were asked to share some things they’ve learned along the journey of Motherhood.
Here are some things these moms had to say:

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Sexy Moms Rock is Sponsoring the 100 Women Entrepreneurs Run/Walk

The 100 Women Entrepreneurs Run/Walk is a 5k race designed to bring together career and women entrepreneurs who wish to join us for a day of sisterhood, fitness and raising money to support charity.

The run was founded and  created by entrepreneurs Vicki Irvin, Chereace Richards & Erana Tyler who all have reputations for empowering and leading women in life and business.

The run is designed for women of ALL fitness levels to come together and help us accomplish our mission.

A 5k race is a distance of 3.1 miles and very doable for EVERYONE, so please join us regardless if you run it, or walk it, we want YOU in attendance!

We are raising money for the Women Veterans Interactive (WVI) which is a women owned non-profit who assists women in the military and veterans on a healthy transition back into the workforce or with shelter.

Registration for the race begins at 8:00am on event day with the actual run starting at 9:00am.

Click here to register for The 100 Women Entrepreneurs 5k Walk/Run

The race will be held:

Bowie Town Center
15606 Emerald Way
Bowie, MD 20716

Saturday, October 25, 2014 from 8:00 AM to 11:00 AM (EDT)

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I Am My Mother’s Daughter

I’ve always heard the phrase ‘You’ll understand when you have kids of your own”.  While I’ve heard it so much, it became one of those sayings you just accept and brush off.  It wasn’t until this last week that it really and truly hit me that I am my mother’s daughter.  We were able to have a discussion about the things she did right in raising us, the things I disagreed with, and the fact it ultimately came to this one thing:  She did the best she could with what she knew.  That’s it!

As mothers, that’s what we do.  There is no manual, no training guide.  This is hands on training with the most challenging, and most rewarding job of your life.  There are times I can think of that I regret making some choices to handle a situation with my kids one way, where in hindsight, I should’ve handled it another.  At the time, it was the best I knew how to do.

One of the most important lessons my mother taught us is in saying I love you.  Any time we were leaving, or getting off the phone, we were taught to say I love you.  You never know if you’ll see that loved one again or not.  She also taught us to say it throughout the day, and to make sure our kids always know that we love them.  I can honestly say that it’s something I’ve said to my kids so many times, they already know when I’m going to say it.

I can say “do you know?”, and they’ll say “yeeeeeeesss, we know that you love us mommy.  You tell us all the time.”  While their responses tickle me, I remind them that there are children that never hear their parents say I love you, and they want for nothing more than to hear that they are loved.

Even with all of this, I still didn’t realize until last week how much I am my mother’s daughter.  We handle situations differently, we see the world differently, and in many ways are very different, yet I understand my mother on a totally different level now.

I understand how difficult it can be to be in a place where every decision you make is important, and can leave imprints in the lives of your children.  I understand how difficult it can be sometimes trying to parent through your own pain.  I understand that some choices will leave those lasting imprints, and you may have to go back and apologize when the kids are older.  I understand that there will be times when the kids don’t understand the situation, and you have to be truthful and honest with them about it when they’re older.  They’ll respect you more for your transparency.  I understand now.  I understand my mother so much better now.  I understand that I am my mother’s daughter, and that in itself, speaks volumes.

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Love Your Kids More Than You Hate That Man

 

Kim B. Miller

How to Love Your Kids More Than You Hate That Man
www.loveyourkidsmore.com

www.kimbmiller.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/iamkimbmillerInstagram: http://instagram.com/iamkimbmiller

Imagine not being able to see your children. It seems hard to grasp but that is the reality for a lot of parents, especially dads. No, a lack of desire or time is not the problem. These are caring, loving parents who want to spend time with their children. There is one person standing in the way, blocking calls, avoiding visitation and ignoring any input provided. This person is not who you would normally expect. No it’s not a distraught in-law, or an over involved sibling or an overbearing friend. This person is normally the child’s best ally. I’m talking about the child’s custodial parent.

As moms we deal with a lot of emotions when a relationship ends. Men do as well, but women normally internalize differently then men do. Clearly, we all grieve when a relationship ends. The sorrow takes on different forms depending on the individual, their experiences, and their support system. The pain is generally more tolerable if you have someone to lean on or confide in.

We spend hours rethinking every move we’ve made. We second guess decisions that were sound at the time but now seem questionable. We question the sincerity of everything. Add massive issues like, infidelity, lies and arguments and you have a very volatile situation. Now, let’s further complicate the issue and add children to the mix. This really adds a unique dimension to the break up.  You have to focus on their needs. You can’t ignore their difficulties and that complicates how you handle your own grief. Sometimes we put our feelings to the side to help our kids deal with their struggles. You can’t “preach’ that things are going to get better if you have been crying hysterically in front of them all day. They look to us as parents for guidance on how they should handle it.  Not just the words we say but our actions too.

Many moms and dads balance the issues and continue onto the next stage in their life, while others wallow in the past and in their own pain. Since women generally get custody of the kids, they have a great deal of responsibility and control.

Some parents, especially the ones with custody, have figured out an awful way to obtain their revenge. They have decided to use their kids to get back at their ex mate. They know they will not be ignored, and they will get their point across. Visitation has been all but eliminated for a lot of these parents. Calls from the other parent are ignored or avoided. Interaction is very low, if at all. The other parent tries desperately to reach out, to no avail. The custodial parent has an internal dialogue going on. They have found a way to justify everything they are doing. They’ve even convinced themselves that the other parent doesn’t even deserve to see their child.

Is this you? Am I describing something that you are doing? If I am describing you please listen closely. There is a major problem with your logic. You may eventually crush the other parent’s resolve and spirit but you will also crush your child’s spirit and self esteem too. Eventually they will begin to wonder what they did wrong to push the other parent away. A child uses simple logic: if I did not do anything wrong then my parent would come and see me, since they are not coming to see me I must have done something wrong.

Another unforeseen problem is, as you afflict pain on your ex you also limit yourself. How? Revenge is a lot of work. It’s almost impossible to prosper while you’re being spiteful. It’s time consuming to play the “I can out do you” game.  You waste a lot of time plotting, and you are not fun to be around either. You know what I mean. The kids can’t mention the other parent without you going “off”.  How are they supposed to feel? This is someone that they look up to, and aspire to be like and you are speaking badly of them. Remember kids emulate their parents. If you put down one of their heroes in their eyes you are putting them down too.

Pain wrapped in excuses has led you to a horrible existence. Everyone is suffering. You are lying to friends and family telling them everything is great and you know everyone is hurting.  I was like you once, happily in love and my marriage ended due to his cheating. I had 2 young children when I found out about the “third” affair. I was furious at him. I had enough and I left but he was always welcome to see the kids, after all they did not do anything wrong. Did I want to see him at times? No, but they did.  It wasn’t easy, I prayed a lot, but it was the right thing to do for all of us, especially them.

You can’t realistically ask God to help you and to forgive you if you’re “holding something over someone else’s head.” Remember God is a forgiving God. He can help you through this if you let Him. First you have to open your heart and let Him in. Right now it is closed to everyone. I know you feel that you are not over the break up yet and forgiving the other parent makes it seem like they are “off the hook” for all they did but that is not what this is about. Forgiving is not excusing what they did. Forgiveness is freeing you. You will be free to live your life and make decisions based on growth. Nothing will change until you decide to let go of the pain that is holding you back. If the other person is a fit parent then they have the right to interact with their child.

You are not hopeless, you can change this.  Parents are inherently strong willed people who are used to being resilient. This is an obstacle and you can overcome it. Demonstrate to your kids that when you make a mistake you accept your responsibilities and do everything needed to make it right.  Apologize to everyone involved including you and start over. Forgive yourself; don’t keep looking back at all the time you wasted. Call you ex and work on a visitation plan that is fair and starts immediately. It’s never too late to change. Don’t let shame and embarrassment hold you back. Walk past that to your victory. Don’t wait another day we can work on changing the world one family at a time.

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An Unprepared Mother

A few weeks ago, while playing outside of my parents’ house, my son fell and hit his face on the concrete pavement. While his face was pretty badly cut, my mother looked at his teeth and gums, and there appeared to be no damage. Fast forward a few weeks, and I noticed his two front teeth had loosened, and while not ready to come out yet, had started turning black. I made an appointment with the dentist, and he was seen two days later. While I had read about how they fix it, and had even prepared myself, I found out that I was completely unprepared.

I was unprepared to watch the dentist pull the teeth out of my little boy’s mouth. I was unprepared to hear how teeth being pulled out sounded. My knees got weak, and my legs felt like jelly, but I refused to let my little boy see that. When the procedure was over, and the padding in his mouth was held to stop the bleeding, I couldn’t help but think how unprepared I am for some of the things we go through for our babies.

About a year ago, my daughter was hurt, and ended up with a Level IV brain injury. It was a very serious injury, and has taken over a year to fully recover. The initial injury, and the healing process was one that I often thought I was unprepared for.

There are no books that can teach us how to help our babies best when they need us most. There are no books that can prepare us for when our babies get sick or badly injured. As mothers we often feel unprepared and unequipped more than we’d like to admit. Don’t worry mom, it’s not just you that feels that way. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

One thing I’ve learned as a mom is while we may respond differently, we may do different things in taking care of our babies, as long as we put their safety, our support, and our love as the most important thing, they’ll be fine. There is no cookie cutter way to be a good mom. There is no one way to successfully raise happy and healthy children. Mom, don’t be so hard on yourself if you feel unprepared. The truth is, all moms feel that same way…including me.

Just love your babies as best as you can and you, sexy mom, are already more prepared than you think.

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Is It Too Early To Teach My Kids Financial Responsibility?

One of the most common stories we hear at this time is from adults who learned all too late how to be financially responsible. They often learn after having to rebuild their credit because of unwise decisions. I can raise my hand and say I’ve been there too. It takes a moment to demolish it, and what seems like forever to rebuild it.

I often hear people say they were never taught how to be financially responsible when they were growing up, and they had to learn this important skill well into adulthood. Our financial responsibility or irresponsibility can often cause turmoil in our relationships and personal lives. Think about it, when searching for a partner, bad credit is one of those things that will make you run. No one wants to spend their relationship struggling financially, and trying to rectify poor decisions of the past.

As parents, our job is to educate our children as early as possible on financial responsibility, among many other things. How do we do that? There are many different ways, so I’ll share with you what we do to teach our children.

Right now our children are 8, and 5 almost 6. They both have weekly chores that they must get done. For our 8 year old daughter, her main chore is her bedroom. However, she also empties the bathroom garbage cans, and helps with laundry. For our son, his main chore is his bedroom (which he tries to hide everything under his bed). He also helps with putting away folded laundry, wiping down surfaces. When they do their weekly chores, they get their allowance, which is $5/week for our daughter, and $3 for our son.

Of course to them this seems like a lot of money. Truth be told, they lack nothing, so most of what they decide to do with their money is save it. I bought the both of them a piggy bank with their favorite character. They both keep track of how much money they deposit into it. When they decide there is something they want to buy, we weigh the cost, and how much it will leave them with. More often than not, they decide against buying something of little to no use when they see how much money it will cost, and how much it will leave them with.

I don’t do this to deter them from buying things. In fact, I do this to teach them the value of what we spend our money on. Can you get a better deal somewhere else? Is it worth the money that they are asking for it? Will you still want to use in 1 week? 1 month?

These may be mature concepts for children so young, but we believe it’s never too early to start teaching them. Sometimes I’ll bring them to the dollar store and give them both a limit of $5 to get whatever they want. As insignificant as we think this is, they absolutely love it. We’ve even done this with their money.

My daughter decided she wanted to start a business, so right now she is saving for the cost of the products, materials, etc. She doesn’t know that as her parents, we’ve decided to invest in her business, so she can hold on to her money. We want them to be willing to make the sacrifice for what’s important, be willing to invest in themselves, and learn what to spend money on, and how to spend money wisely.

We teach them about credit and APR, and how bad those first credit card offers can be when they hit 18. Yes, that seems like a long time away, but if we can get the concept rooted early, and then just have to revisit it through the years as they mature, they will have a foundation of knowledge in this area. This can prevent them from making many of the fiscally irresponsible mistakes many of us have made.

So tell me, what ways do you teach your children to be financially responsible? Have you started yet? What works for your family?

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He Loves Me, But Not My Kid

One of the most touching stories I’ve ever heard about finding love again was from my mother. After having myself and my brother with our biological father, he played no positive role in our upbringing. He was not in a mental capacity where it was even healthy for him to be in a relationship, or raising children. When the time came for my mother to leave him, my brother was old enough to understand better than I what was going on.

She sat him down and told him we would be leaving. She also promised that any man she got in a relationship with after would love him like his own son. Fast forward to last year. My mom and my stepdad who raised me and I call dad, renewed their vows at their 30 year wedding anniversary. Remembering that story made me cry as I watched my brother proudly walk my mother down the aisle, and my dad stand at the altar beaming with pride. My mother was able to keep the promise she’d made over 30 years ago.

Needless to say I was a hot mess with tears streaming down my face. More importantly, our dad raised us like we were his biological children. He never made a separation. Every few years when our biological father would call from another stint in jail, and remember he had children, my dad would never stand in the way. He knew exactly where he stood with us, and his position was never threatened.

My belief is that when a man loves a woman enough, (and vice versa) they will love the child with a love that doesn’t show distinction for genetics. It wasn’t always easy working the blended family together, but they taught us as siblings that there is no half sister/brother, or step sister/brother. There is only brother and sister. Even better than teaching us, they were the example for it.

I know sometimes it can be rough as a woman starting new relationships where children are involved. When we have children, we have to look out for their best as well. That means we may be head over heels for a man, but if he chooses not to connect, or even try to connect with our child, we must rethink that relationship. It will end up costing us either the relationship with the man, or with our child as the resentment grows.

Children don’t always understand, and sometimes feel like they’re being replaced. This is especially true if it’s just been the child and mom for some time. However, settling for a relationship where there is a clear disconnect with the child due to lack of trying or caring will leave you constantly in the line of fire.

One of the best pieces of advice I can give is when you first start talking to this man, let him know you have a child/ren. If he’s not interested in any relationship with them, he’ll run and it’ll save you the heartbreak. As time passes, watch his interaction. Does he help them? Is he a positive influence? Does he truly care or is it a show for you? These are hard questions that as mothers, as sexy moms, we have to address.

It’s not impossible to find a man that loves your child the way you do. It’s actually more common than you might think. Our children are precious, and we have to ensure that they receive the love they need, and not feel like they were ever lacking. Or not feel like mom chose the new guy over me and he never loved me. Take it from me ladies, it makes a world of a difference when you can look back and say he loved me like his own.

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When You Want to Shake Them

Being the mom of a teenager is not the easiest thing in the world. In truth, it is a roller coaster of non-hormonal related emotions; laugh, cry, fun, and frustration. We celebrate when they realize the greatness within them and cry when their young innocence is shattered by the realities of life. We can’t stop laughing when they play wrestle or crack a random joke and sometimes find it hard to hold back our frustration at their efforts to spread their wings and test boundaries. Yes, sometimes we just want to shake them until the foolishness oozes out their ear.

The fact is, our frustrations are directly tied to our expectations for our children as well as our desire for them to avoid some of the holes we fell in during our journey toward adulthood. We don’t want them to be like us. We want them to be better than us. As a result we, sometimes, push our methods for problem-solving, dealing with friendships, or even communicating onto them and expect their embrace and proper execution with no push-back. We have done this “grown thang” already. We know best. Right?

The result becomes another ‘us.’ Yep…standing there, eye-to-eye, is the very teenager that stood before our parent or authority figure when we were teenagers. Its the same person who closed their bedroom door to shut out the world or the same teenager that found a way and did what was forbidden anyway. For some of us its the one prophesied by our mom when she said “wait ’til you have a kid.” They are more tech savvy, use different slang and dress differently but its definitely us.

There have been some very real times where I wanted to take my daughter’s lips off and keep them in my purse but I would pause then just chuckle. What she was saying had merit. It was a different perspective that, in respecting her, I should consider. I had issue with her mouth, the same mouth her witty, sharp-tongued, charsmatic radio/tv host of a mom often exhibited. I started learning lessons about delivery and perception myself while teaching her. Some lessons she had to learn on her own and some were addressed once I stopped wanting to shake her. There are times discipline is necessary. There are times we as parents have to let them tear their britches (as my dad would say) and just learn the hard way. But there are also times were a little patience coupled with a look in the mirror and a walk down memory lane will give the best method and the right words for helping a teenager mature and your relationship with them to grow.

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Quality Time: How Do I Find More Of It?

As moms, we always try and do the best we can for our children. Often we find ourselves in positions where we look back at a situation and feel like we could have handled it differently. Sometimes it may seem that everyone else claims to have the answers to parenthood and we’re still searching for our answers. One thing I have learned from being a parent is that children will follow the example that we set for them to follow. As a mom of two young children, it is not always easy to set the best example for them. Sometimes an impulsive decision can jeopardize what we have taught them. Sometimes a poor choice can jeopardize what we have taught them also. As a full-time working mom, student, wife, mother of two young children, and business owner, my life can be extremely busy. Making time for my family can be a challenge sometimes. It almost seems impossible to juggle all of those tasks at once.

Here are some tips I have learned that help in carving out time to spend with my family:
1) Always make time for a movie night. Whether you are tight on the budget, or only have an hour or two to spare, this is a great option to carve out some quality family time. This past New Years, I stayed home spending time with my family. For just one night it seemed as if everything was perfect. We made hot chocolate and had popcorn. We laid blankets on the floor, and watched movies as a family. Now I thought the kids would be bored, and want a little bit more action. It turned out that they said it was their best New Years yet. So I started to think, why did something so simple mean so much for them? Well the answer is simple, it turns out that children actually value quality family time more than we realize. As we get older we lose sight of what’s genuinely important with all of the demands that the world puts on us. So for that one night, they felt like they were the focus of our attention, and not bills, or the day’s demands. It seems this means more to them than we truly adult.

2)Set up one game night per month at least. Game nights are not only quality family time, but they also teach children how to win and lose gracefully. These are key teaching areas when it comes to putting our children in anything competitive, whether it be sports or academics. Teaching our children how to lose gracefully is just as important as teaching them how to win gracefully. Just as no one wants to play with a sore loser, no one wants to play with a child who wins, but rubs it in everyone’s face. Being able to teach our children at home about humility is extremely important as they grow older and enter into society. So we not only benefit from having that quality time, but we also benefit from being able to teach our children important lessons. This is also a time where we can teach our children how to play games honestly and not having to cheat to win. It reinforces the integrity we try to teach our children.

3)Block one day of your schedule out of the month to just spend time together. It can be so easy for our calendars to fill up, that we need to remind ourselves to block off one day for our family. We should have nothing planned for that day that does not involve our family. Whether it be an activity that the family has been wanting to take on, or a lazy day at home. Open that time up to communicate and sit and chat with your children. No matter how young you may be surprised at the level of understanding young children have. You may also be surprised at the questions they may come up with. I’ve been thrown off quite a few times with questions I was unprepared for. The bottom line is they remember days like this as they get older. As they grow, if you’ve invested the time for them when they were young, they will learn to invest the time in you as they grow older. Time flies by so much faster than we realize. The time we spend with our children today, will help shape their tomorrows.

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