Achieve Your Goals When He Says No

Every time you make your famous sweet potato pies, everyone tells you how much you could make if you sold them. Or whenever there is an event everyone wants you to organize it. You’ve always had a thing for creating and once thought to be an Event Planner. Or perhaps you want to try your hand at singing professionally but have always believed you missed your opportunity. Yet, one day you wake and make the decision you are going to give it a try. You really want to do that thing you are so good at, everyone is always raving about, and that you secretly dream about doing for a living. The only problem is he does not support you.

Making the decision to become an entrepreneur is not easy and not to be taken lightly. It can be a difficult road filled with highs and lows that are of your own design as you learn and navigate the world of self-sufficiency. But it is also, arguably, the most rewarding way to live life. You are providing for your family while doing the thing that feeds your soul every single day. You get to do what you love and people pay you for it. The feeling of freedom and empowerment is unmatched. Getting beyond our own insecurities and doubts is the first step and one of the most challenging. So many never make the decision, even part time. So, with you out the way, how do you get past a husband or significant other that says, “You can’t do it” or “You don’t have the time,” or my favorite, “Me and the kids need you.”

Hey sis….can I tell you something? You need You too. I am not suggesting you drop everything and run off to live your dreams. That would be irresponsible. What I am saying is no one, NO ONE, should be able to inject toxins into your goals, dreams, or aspirations; especially the ones who profess to love you. Just as you should support him, he should support you. Support is a component of a healthy, adult relationship and vital to your business success. There is also communication, organization, and patience.

To achieve your dreams and preserve your relationship there must be open, honest, and consistent communication not just between you and your man, but within the entire family. The kids must have a concept of goals, working hard, and creating a legacy for them to put in perspective why you are not as accessible as you once were. It should never be a breakdown conversation where they are in tears because you missed their soccer game again and you just say you had to work. Teamwork will make the dream work. Together you all work to ensure everyone reaches their optimal level of personal, academic, and professional success. Talking about those goals, expectations, and, of course, schedules will help that especially with a reluctant significant other.

Children have their own schedules which become our schedules. That is one reason why our desires were placed on the back burner in the first place. But there are 24-hours in a day. I know, sometimes it does not feel like enough time but it is really a matter of organizing the time you have to be productive. When they are babies we are taught to sleep when they sleep…but maybe not every time. You can use one or two of those nap times to work on your business plan or respond to potential clients or plan for the future. They will not take 2-hour naps forever. They grow and become less dependent on you and less demanding of your time. You should not wait until then to get started. Go for it. If your children are already older, you may need to sacrifice some of your grown folks social time. Which ever case, scheduling wisely, multi-tasking, and using technology to assist with both will benefit you. If you can show through organization it is all possible with minimal disruption to the household, you are less likely to have issues with a resistant partner.

On the long journey of entrepreneurship, you must pack your patience. You will need to be patient with everyone and everything; including yourself. It will not happen overnight. You already have a lot going on so just trust your planning, your passion, and the process of becoming a success. More importantly, be patient with your man and your children. This is new to them. Maybe you have talked about it forever but talking and doing are two different things. They may need time to adjust. Continue to reassure them and ask for their understanding and support. By no means should you let their pouting or demands justify you quitting. You may need to slow the pace for a bit but do not stop. You are an example and while they may be complaining now, they are watching and learning. Show them how to be successful and live their dreams.

As for him, remain present in your relationship. He still has certain needs that must be met. Ask him what his concerns are and what he would need from you to make sure they are addressed. The key is in the conversation that says you have needs also. Be clear in what those are and don’t waver. Ask, “Can you do that for me, baby?” He just needs an understanding. Give him that, sometimes repeatedly, with love and patience. When he knows what is expected and can see how it will work, your significant other can become the loudest voice in your cheering section.


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