If It Pleases Him

It is time to be all-in to our husbands. Marriage should not be a prison for him but a place of freedom. So many times, I hear wives complain about how much their husbands are into sports and other recreational matters that seem to tear the fabric of their marriage. Men and women have different needs. The very thing that separates us are the very things that should bring us together. We have to admit that we are a little needy. We are a little too selfish. We are little too unreasonable.

I tell women all the time that our husbands are not our wives. They are men. Men have testosterone. They have levels of energy that we do not share. I know that we’d like to think we can fulfill his every need but that is not humanly possible but it is possible spiritually. I say this because the very human nature of a man is recreational. He is a conqueror and fixer. He enjoys things that stimulate his masculinity, and for some men video games create this fix. While video games may seem childish to us, it can be the perfect form of release for him.

Before I married my husband, he was very clear with me that I am about to marry into a football family. His father coached football for many years and he and his brothers were raised playing organized team sports and they shared friends in common who enjoy long hours at the barbershop often reminiscing about their youthful years, supporting some of their friends who have become coaches, and talking endlessly about stats and games. I learned quickly that time at the barbershop could take hours and this was time he needed to have. I was invited to come with him and, while I didn’t understand half of the stuff they talked about, I saw him come alive. I saw him in an element he did not share with me. I saw a passion in him that I had not experienced in our relationship and I embraced it instead of fighting against it.

Instead of fighting against his love for sports and passion for the game he’d loved since he was a child or forcing him to choose between me and long hours at the barbershop with his brother and childhood friends, I embraced it. I loved him. Loving him meant that I loved what he loved. No, I didn’t love football, but I loved giving him the space and time to enjoy it. I loved that he could have the best of both worlds- a loving girlfriend he could date without feeling torn between the things he loved and the girl he loves. Eventually, I became the girl he married and our Sunday’s and Monday’s have been filled with football ever since. I learned early that when his needs were met, he had no problem meeting my needs. Instead of fighting against it, I joined in with him and I grew to love the game and share in the experience.

Whether we are in the heat at the top of Nationals Stadium at a Washington Nationals baseball game, freezing cold in the stands at FedEx Field watching the Washing Redskins, being entertained by the characters of WWE at the Verizon Center, or sitting on the front row at church during Holy Convocation; I love being with my man and my man loves being with me. Even if I did not attend the sports events with him, I could use that time for something I’d like to do, but I found over the years that there is no place I’d rather be than being all-in to whatever my husband wants to be.

So I ask you are you all in?

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Are You Happy?

Happy are they who take life day by day, complain very little, and are thankful for the little things in life.   Recently my husband and I went on a date to the zoo. I was over the moon being out in the open sun and seeing the animals, as well as being with my husband I was so happy.  How many times have we ruined a moment that was special because of our attitudes or because we have chosen to find the bad in a thing?   I say find happiness in everything that you do and enjoy every experience that happens in your life. Smile more, laugh more, and love those around you.

So I ask you are happy? And what are those things that make you happy?

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Are You A Realist?

We live in a society now that everyone wants to be real but everyone can’t take the realness.  Being real doesn’t mean having all of your ducks in a row.  It simply means you can show your faults and not be ashamed. I’ve learned over the years the people love and respect realness.

If anyone asks me for advice, I will tell them the truth. Not because I’m being real, but because I love that person enough to tell them truth. Being truthful isn’t always well received, so we find ourselves keeping things to ourselves or saying those things that make our girlfriends feel good.   Being real can make for some great friendships because your friends will know that when they ask your opinion, you will give it to them in love.

I pride myself on being real and giving the best advice I can.  When my girlfriend leaves my presence I want her to feel better than she did when she came to talk to me.  Sugarcoating never helps the situation. There are some conversations that need to be had. In not telling the truth, you or your friend can’t grow.  Friendship isn’t always about hanging out and having fun, they are in your life for a reason.  That reason should be to want the best for your friends, and when you give your advice or opinion give your advice in love.  This is not the opportunity for you to rip into them.  Love and kindness always prevails!

So I ask you are you a realist or a sugar coater?



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Can You Handle The Truth?

Many people shout it from the roof tops, that we have best friends and good girlfriends, and all of that is fine and dandy until that friendship is challenged. We all love to hear what makes us feel good, but what happens when those friends feel the need to have that hard conversation with you?

We often try to find fault in the person who relays the statement so we don’t have to deal with the power of the message.  How many times have our girls or sister-friends told us that a guy wasn’t the right guy for us and we got in our feelings?  The most predictable thing happens–you stop speaking to her.  Why? Because now she is deemed as a hater who doesn’t want you to be happy.  I’ve experienced this and have seen this happen so many times. Most of the time those words “he’s not for you” have always turned out to be true.  It seems crazy to us that we may actually have friends that really do care about us, and want what’s best for us.  When your friends speak to you from their hearts please listen!  They love you, and if they didn’t they wouldn’t feel the need to express themselves to you.

When you are challenged in any area of your life, deal with it and confront it don’t run and hide.  Ultimately, what’s for you will happen and when it’s not that person or situation, it will dissolve on it’s own.  The point of having friends is not to only have them in your life when they are stroking your ego and making you feel good, but they are also there to help you grow.  Their intentions are to never steer you wrong.  If you are blessed to have a sister circle cherish and appreciate it.

So I ask you can you handle the truth?  Have you had girl friends come to you in love? How did you handle it?

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Are you feeling blessed?

I know that life can take it’s toll on us sometimes and we may feel that we aren’t as blessed as we would like to be. Waking up in the morning is a blessing. Being able to clothe and feed yourselves is a blessing.  Don’t ever let what’s going on in your life to make you feel down, it won’t always be like this. When you feel down, pray and ask God to remove the stress and anxiety that may be coming with the hardships that you may be dealing with right now. Things will get better when you believe and have faith.  Begin to speak and think positive things. No more I can’t and no more it won’t work out!  All things work together to them that believe and never give up. Remember to take life one day at a time.  Turn your frown into a smile and get out there and start living. And know that you are blessed!

So I ask you today are you feeling blessed?

Photo credit: All City Vision / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA

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Backwards Is Not An Option

Don’t miss your blessing looking in the wrong direction.   I remember when I was younger and dating every now and again I would run into an ex and for some reason when that happens I would think that maybe us running into each other was a sign.  Well I later learned that I should have just spoken and kept it moving.  Men are our exes for a reason and we should hold onto that reason, so when we run into them we aren’t charmed all over again as if we are meeting them for the first time.  You won’t meet the person that’s for you if you are always looking backwards and giving those old lovers a chance. Yes, people change but I believe that they are changing for someone else not for you.  There is always someone better and when you allow God to bring that person in your life, you will be so glad you did. So let go of those memories and continue to look forward to bigger and better things.

So I ask you have you been looking backwards?


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Dope Chick, Where Are You?

I remember when I was young I had all of this swag and confidence. My body was tight. I didn’t have to try clothes on. I could just go in the store look at a dress and say I can fit this buy it, go home, and it fit. Well after getting married and having two children I can no longer do that I have to try everything on before swiping the card.  That can make you feel some kind of way, and it wasn’t until I realized that I’m dope no matter what size I am.  As long as I am confident in my own skin that swag and confidence will never go away.

So now when I go shopping I enjoy trying on clothes, and going through the racks spending money makes everyone feel good.   And whether I’m that size 6 I used to be or the 12-14 that I am now, this dope chick is here to stay.  Don’t let life dull your smile and personality, you don’t know how many people love to see you smile your confidence pushes them to be better.

So take as many pictures as you can don’t be shy be proud of your shape.  Love yourself, and if losing a few pounds is is your desire then do what you have to to lose that weight. Go out and have fun, don’t let what you think you should look like keep your from enjoying life.   Keep smiling and bring the dope chick back.

So dope chick where are you?   I know you’re out there!

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Never Look Back!

Don’t look back you’re not going that way.  Often times, we tend to reminisce and think what would have happened if we would have made better choices.  All things happen for a reason.  If you were supposed to be with that man, or if you should have had that job, you would have those things.  Looking back is never healthy.  Looking forward and moving to bigger and better things is always best.  Don’t allow your emotions to to drive you back to what you once knew because it’s familiar and comfortable.   Going back always seems like it will work out better the next time, but it never does.

Have you been thinking of going back to something that wasn’t working for you?   Let’s talk about it.

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Where Is The Love?

Beware!  Relationships drift when you and your mate drift apart from one another.  It happens slowly and almost unnoticeably.   A lot of times we can become so busy with our lives and we may not notice the separation between our boyfriends, and spouses.  When it’s noticed something has to change because if not it will only get worse and when it’s not handled the love that you have for each other can slip away.  Most people don’t begin to fight for their love until it’s too late and this is because most of the time one of the person’s in the relationship has spoke about how their feeling.  When your mate speaks their mind always listen and the issues can be squashed and the love can continue to flow.  Is this relationship worth fighting for and don’t let life, bills, children or whatever cause the love that you have for one another to drift apart.

So ask yourself where is the love?  Are you doing what it takes to make your relationship a success?

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Relax, Relate, Release

A happy wife is a fully grown woman.  She does not compete for her husband’s time or affection.  She loves her husband but she loves God more.  While the happy wife enjoys being with her husband, she also enjoys time alone.  Time alone allows her to reflect and relax.  Although gaming and recreation is not in her DNA, she is willing to compromise and to sacrifice a moment alone for a life-time of joy.

When you are dating most of the time you are with your boo thang all the time.  When you get married most women think that that’s how the marriage will be.   So they are greatly disappointed when their husband requests some time alone I know that when my husband and I got married all of a sudden he wanted to be alone and I took it personal because I thought it was something  wrong with me.  It wasn’t until he broke it down to me and helped me to see that time alone is needed to unwind from the day.  Of course I didn’t get it at first but I noticed a great difference in our marriage and his mood because he was able to have that down time.  And that also gave me time to unwind and have some me time.  Being married for 10 years now our downtime is great but now it’s not needed as much because we saw the importance of it early on in our marriage.   So relax, relate, release you will be so glad you did.

What are some ways you have learned to pour back into your marriage individually and collectively?  We’d love to hear!

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